LIfE iS 2 sHoRt 4 Me

Thinking of past, now and future

2008-12-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

After reading a few posted that i once wrote, a sudden feeling that i have now is regret. I dun know why but the past is still a huge matter to me. Although i dun mind seeing my ex face to face, i still able to remember the good memories with him. The innocent love that truly comes from the heart. I totally forgotten how wonderful i was as a person before knowing him. Had this first love truly changed the person that i once was? So Puzzled with my life. Is my life now a huge screw up? I never regret of knowing my bf, wei jie now as he is one sweet guy who can read my mind and understand me very well. May be becos that we are friends for 3 yrs before being together as a couple. 1 yr and 8 months relationship is like that. I think it is sweet but something is missing in the relationship but i dun know what it is.

My uni results totally screwed up and i felt sad with my life. Once a glory life that i had with excellent grades. In uni, my grades are like from bad to worst. DOo not know whether i can survive in uni to get the damn paper. haiz.

Although christmas is coming, that festival gives me a lot of memories. memories that i did not know how to cherish it at the moment. If i can do this or don't do that, will the relationship still continue? I afraid not as the relationship changed once both personality started to change.

For the relationship now, I will have to stand tall and strong. I have to change my bad temper as it is getting out of hand. I must be in control of it instead of it controlling me. How can i be sweet to wei jie? how can i treat him well so i can keep him by my side? the final question: is he the one for me eventually? so many doubts i can not answer. haiz i hope my future may give me that answer.

SimPLy Me

2008-03-01T03:43:00.002+08:00

I am going to give 101% of my best on these 3 stupid tests. I think i am going to rely myself on having the ability to spend on those things i really want. Buying the things that i always wish for is what makes me happy as i am capable of having such amount of money to pamper myself. Going to pamper myself after all my tests. HOping to get more ang baos for my birthday celebration on this coming sat. yay. 21 isn't going easier as ever. Learn from the hard and enjoy the fruit of success in the end. Love that kind of feeling of shock and surprise. After my uni life, i am going to travel to another country, Russia ( if i have the ability to go there after 3 yrs of saving). Hopefully, i can go during winter time so that i can freeze there and feel the texture of snow. it is like going to 4am and i am still blogging. Okie for now, i am going to wake up early to continue chapter 3. haiz. still got 3 1/2 chapters to go for MA. I am so going to love MA. Finally, i understand Management Science. Yay.

5 months and 10 days...... A lifetime to go

2007-09-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

I miss him so much todae. i just dun know why. haiz. may be this is how i will feel in having a NS bf. Been really busy with schoolwork that my whole dae is doing tutorial and prepare for any report or term paper. Totally no time for revision. haiz. how to survive in university. haiz. I miss the BME gers so much. life in uni may be enjoyable but not as enjoyable as having those gers in the same class. haiz. life has changed quite significantly. Thankfully, tml lesson end at 2 pm. got time to do fna and do some fna revision. Have to be super hardworking i think. hehe.

6 more Days and 20 hrs

2007-07-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

Did not know that missing someone could be so bad. i am really missing him a lot. haiz. dun want to think about the no of days more as it will pass by quickly.

VisitinG EaCh OtheR's HouSe

2007-07-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

Lately, we have kept spending time at each other's house in order to cut down the transport cost. Just kidding. We just do not know where to go as we are quite familiar with the places around our areas such as town and jurong area. hehe. Anyway, it is a good feeling that both of our parents know about our relationship so we dun have to hide it from them anymore. I still have 8 more days with him so i hope to make good use of them. Thankfully, i am getting my pay tomorrow. yay. more money more money. hehe. I have a new bag for uni. yay. new phase = buy new clothes etc. hehe.

WenT tO Wei Jie's HoUSe

2007-07-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

Went to wei jie's house to hang out in order to save some money and there is no many places for us to walk around. I was kinda of given the privilege to cut his hair since he is about to enter ns in less than 2 weeks' time. It was great watching tv with his family and him but i was kinda shy for a moment. During dinner time, i break down as my mind keep thinking of 13 july, the day he is enlisted for ns. Thinking of what my life will be without him for 5 days a week. It will be quite terrible to imagine what i will be on that day itself. I am so afraid i will break down badly during the last 5 minutes of that day.

Darling, i will wait for you right here. I just want you to know that my heart will never change regardless of how many guys will be crossing my path in the future. I believe that there is a small percentage of guys in accountancy for NUS as more people think that it is a "impure" accountancy. I will keep thinking of you even while i am studying even sleeping. I will never leave you for anyone or anything. Please hold my hand with the courage that we have in order to pass through the next 2 years of NS. Darling, you are forever my best lover and life partner. MUACKS.

LoVinG yoU To ThE VeRy EnD

2007-06-30T01:25:00.000+08:00

Our Love Story Begins on 24 December 2006 at approximately 12.15 am. I still can't believe that you could recognise my hairdo and bag in such a dark environment. I also manage to remember vividly how happy you seem to be once you were assured that person was me. You were so high that you managed to have the courage to tell me you like me. I was really stunned to believe every word you said. Ever since that day onwards, you started to sms me a lot more often. I did not realise that you like me at that point of time as i was being over friendly as what you always tell me. I did not avoid you since the day you confessed your love for me and that's what i dun usually do to many guys. Our feelings build up more and more each moment we spend together.

Mr Ng Wei Jie, the things i want to tell you is always true and forever stay that way. I have never regret of accepting you as a boyfriend, the only man who i really able to rely on without being caution about it. Loving you is the happiest thing in my life for now. I truly love you with my whole heart. You are the guy who i really want to spend the rest of my lifetime with no regrets. You are the only boyfriend who truly understand my actions, thoughts and character. I am so grateful about that. You are the one who really taught me what true love really means although you have no experience in relationship. I really want you to father my kids if it is possible. I am willing to give the love that my heart can hold to you. I start to love every part of you. Many may think you are just a plain joe but i am proud to say that you are my dream lover who i always ask for since young. I truly love you for who you are and i am sure you do.

FeeLinGs BeFoRe KoRea TRiP

2007-06-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

16 June 2007
went to wei jie's house to prepare a meal for him. I got a chance to meet wih his grandma who is like a really nice Lady and Panda, the cute big doggy. We watched a few movies and that's our day.

17 June 2007
Going to KOrea real Soon and i think i will be missing him a lot as i am away for 7 Long days. Love him a lot more than anyone can imagine. hehe. Take care, darling. See you Later for lunch. Love ya.

FeeLinGs AFteR GRaDuaTiOn

2007-06-13T10:56:00.000+08:00

Everything has come to an end even the most wonderful thing happened in your life. Friends are going to their separate ways while continue their next phase of life. After the ceremony, it is quite hectic as there were a lot of parents trying to locate their children and snatching for the buffet food. I did not have anything from morning to early afternoon. Most probably i am too nervous that i will trip while walking down from the stairs in the convention centre.

We took quite many pictures among ourselves and lecturers. It is great knowing them as friends. They are the one who really bring laughters into my life.

FeELiNGs BeFoRe GRaDuATiOn CeReMoNy

2007-06-11T10:56:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my graduation ceremony. Having lots of fixed feelings before the day which i waiting for since year 1. However, i have no regret of changing my course from chemical engineering to biomedical engineering. People who have crossed my path in life such as my darling girls who i have met along the way for my past 3 years. I will miss each one of them.

My partner in poly, Miss Lum Wan Ting. She is always the sweet girl who give me encouragement during FYP. Her sweet inoccent smile really makes you go awww. Although we will be in the same university, meeting each other will be less each time as we are under different faculties. Darling wan wan, wish you all the best for the near future.

Miss Joanne Lum And Miss Stella Khoo Pheng Kian, Thanks for being there for me when i have so much complain and confession for particular some people * you know who* .
Miss Lum, I have known you for 4 years and still counting. How we know each other seems so amazing and funny. hehe. I know you through MIRC where i get to know Daryl Yuen Jung Ren. He is so going to kill me. You were suppose to be in the same jc as me but i transferred to a near one. I am so glad that i am in the same poly with the same course as you. Girl, i will be there for you regardless where i am. We can meet up once in a week, okie?
Miss Khoo, you are a sweet and smart girl who is passionate in volunteer work. I get to know her more after the H class combined together in year 2. She is only a day older than me (a few hours to be exact). A very althetic girl as she swim almost everyday. I can see her being a future doctor.

Miss Suaidah Bte Mohammad Usuludin, The only malay girl who looks more chinese than me =X She is a cute girl who have powerful presentation skill. She is also a cheerful girl who socialise with different types of people. I wish her all the best in her university life.

Miss Pok Wei Ting Christine, the future nurse in the making, I get to know her a lot better during FYP as she sat next to me. I remember that our stuff will end up at her table whenever we found out that we lost or misplaced something such as a cutter. It is a joy seating next to her as her blurrness will make you laugh each day. hehe. During FYP, she tends to bickle with Jonathan about the cleaniness of the project room as Jonathan likes the soldering place to be clean and neat.

Miss Lim Jie Hui, The Fastest 2.4 runner for 3K2, she can be stronger than some guys so dun mess with her. She is smart and good in mathematics (Still can get A or B for AEM). Whenever you see her, you will able to see pei fang. hee. Get to know her since year 1. I was being "box" by her twice or more. Haiz. Thinking that i am getting flatter. hehe.

Miss Lin Pei Fang, Likes edison chen and some korean guys such as se7en, her hair tends to cover one of her eyes. petite girl who eats a lot. envy her for her high metabolism rate. Her witty personality is able to attract a lot of guys i believe. She is going to study near ngee ann poly so i believe that i can still meet up with her for lunch with some of the girls.

Miss Chen Si Yin, Look how much she has grown or change since year 1. From a girl with long straight hair to a gothic girl with wavy hair and lots of black eyeliner. She is a japanese fanatic as she is in touch with japanese language and music etc. She is awaiting to fulfil her long time dream in Film and media design in ntu. Happy for her and hope to see her soon.

Miss Wang Wen, my year 1 and 2 classmate. Still wondering where is she now. Hope that she is doing fine and see her tomorrow.

My aLL THe FavOuRiTe DiSh

2007-06-10T23:30:00.000+08:00

This is my all time favourite dish which spaghettie mushroom alfredo with roasted chicken. It is simply sinful but delicious. A mouth of it makes you want to eat it more. The craving for it grows bigger and greater each day. The alfredo sauce is so delicious that makes you think that the cream sauce from pasta mania is blend. This dish from new york new york and it costs $12.90. Yummy. I love it. The roasted chicken is really not that good but the spaghettie and the cream is like oh my god. It gives you the orgasm. 4.5 out of 5.

i do

2007-06-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

This is my promise to you.

my life shall spent with you,
my shoulders for you to cry and lean on,
my capabilities to help share your burden,
my eyes to spot dangers for you,
my mouth to speak words of comfort and love,
my heart which only belong to you,
my ears for you to have, to listen to your joys and sorrows.
And lastly, my hands and my feets to walk with you, hand in hand till the very end of life.

This is my dedication and my love for you my darling. I love you.

天使

2007-06-08T00:29:00.000+08:00

An angel come into my life on 08.04.07

She brings happiness.
Brighten up my days with her generous smile

She teaches me how to fly.
To fly pass all obstacles in life.

She teaches me the real meaning in life.
Which is to love and cherish my loved ones.

She gives me 3 wishes.
But with her by my side, what else do i need?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -

TiRed

2007-06-04T10:17:00.000+08:00

I shall blog my past 4 days of work in the IT fair 2007. It was totally crazy as people are squeezing each other in order to get to their destinations. Wan Ting and I did not sell much of our receivers as not many people need a gps receiver when they can buy gps system itself. Anyway, i get to know a few new friends such as grace and zhi shen. I also saw my secondary school chinese teacher who couldn't recognised me at all. After the last day ended, a guy asked me for hp no. shocking but true.

Today, i can't start my work as serene is taking leave for 2 days so i only able to do something from wednesday onwards. I have to take a week of reading of the solar panel with different angle and weather to determine its characteristics. Thinking of not going to work tomorrow since i have nothing to do. May be asking him out. He is coming back today yay. i am so happy to see him later on at night. Just hope that he is safe and sound.

HappY HappY

2007-05-24T12:34:00.000+08:00

I finally received my all 3 university letters and the status of offer is positive. I am so grateful that all want me. Now, i have to sit down and think about my 3 different choices before making a huge change of my life. Brother is proud of my admissions after disappointed for the whole 7 years. Sorry that i have disappointed you for so long. One praise from you means really a lot to me.

ShoCkinG ShOcKiNG

2007-05-23T10:06:00.000+08:00

Oh My god!!! did not expect myself to get into nus business admin (accountancy). I am so surprised because the interviewer commented that i am so unsure about my future. I keep telling myself that it is a gone case after the interview but relieved that i am done with it. I always thought that my eyes are playing tricks with me. For now, i can sit down and think what i really want in the future.

Application statusThe general stages for the application status are
Application received --> Application processing --> Outcome of application
You have been provisionally offered Bus Adm (Accountancy) in academic year 2007 - 2008.
The details of the provisional offer will be stated in the offer letter.
Your letter of offer was sent on 21-May-2007.

TiRed TiRed

2007-05-22T18:47:00.001+08:00

I am so tired of listening orders stating that i should do business related course such as business management. My interest still likes with sciences but heard what my relatives saying business will earn more money and much easier to find jobs. haiz. I am sick of the ideathat i have to lose my freedom to choose my future and do whatever i really want to do. Isn't life suppose to be like that? do the things that you are happy with and glad that you have tried so hard even though you made a mistake that ruin your chance to be successful? have i really lost that feeling. A feeling that i always chasing for even now. I am so tired to an extent that i dun bother about it anymore.

TiRed TiRed PaRt 2

2007-05-05T01:20:00.000+08:00

I am not feeling well yet i am not going to slp. How you know whether you still want to be with me after years have passed by down the road? Will i see you when i am at the other side of the road? Sometimes, i feel that it is best to be quiet and alone for a moment as you know that you have yourself at least. i am not upset that he is having fun at the chalet. After toking to his cousin, i found out that relationship is really difficult to maintain as you dun know what your friends and family may tink of him. What if he gives them bad impression? Actually, every time they disturb me and him, i am not feeling good inside of my heart. i just keep quiet and smile. I manage to keep quiet for a day. may be no one will notice my existence after awhile.

Yummy Yummy

2007-05-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

Today is quite a tiring day. Just feel like dozing off while working. I am so glad that he prepared the porridge for me and brought to school. It tastes good even though i know 50 % of it is from his grandma and mother. hehe. show you the pic of the porridge.

Expecting today to end faster

2007-04-27T10:47:00.000+08:00

Once again, my long awaiting friday is here. Always so energetic on monday while so tired on friday. That's the usual me i guess. However, i think it is kinda of things will happen when you really least expected. He still have around 2 months to hang out with me before his commando basic military training. Will i miss his calls even though it will make me lethargic? I believe i will not miss him at all as he is unable to book out until 2 weeks later. Anyway, happy for him that he get into commando which means slightly better pay compared to artillery or infantry. HaHa. Can buy presents for your cute siblings. Thankfully, the enlistment date is after my korea trip. Therefore, i have like 1-2 weeks time to plan something for him before he *departs*. hehehe. Anyway, i still have around 3 months time before entering uni. Wow uni. The acceptance letter still able to bring a smile on my face even now. i think i must be crazy thinking of getting into uni. I heard a lot of things that uni is so different compared to poly. NO more memorising work. From now on, i have to understand the modules (have to tok to them everyday) . I need a haircut badly as my mom tot i did not comb my hair even though i did. Untidy Untidy. May be i consider cutting my hair either later or tml. still got 6 more hrs before work end. yay. feel like dozing off now.

Movies that i want to watch:

Harry Potter
Spiderman 3
Pirates of carribean 3

These 3 movies are those that will keep me awake throughout the movie even though i am tired. hehe.

TiRed TiRed

2007-04-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

Hi to all whoever read my blog. I finally start to update my blog after quite some time. I shall update you guys about the things that happened in my life lately. I just received a letter from NTU which stated that i am posted to BIE (bioengineering) which is my 4th choice. Shocking that EEE and Material Engineering do not have a place for me. May be i did not do well enough to enter into these course. Sad to say that my NTU business interview did not do well. Before the admission interviews, i did not really like interviews. It had always been a fear to me since my first interivew in Haagen Daz. Anyway, may be it is a blessing in disguise i suppose?? Still waiting for NUS and SMU's reply. Most of my friends receive the NUS reply but why my letter is not here regardless of acceptance or rejection.

SMU interview was the most enjoyable as i was in the most relaxed state as I did have a chat with a Hwa Chong JC student. She is being offered by Oxford to do geography. Smart girl i must say. We chatted about what we took in poly or jc. The way she speak and her tone gave me the impression that she is a girl who is full with confidence. Admire such a girl. The interviewers are a guy in his mid-forties and a lady with a sweet smile. The questions being asked were like the occupation of my family and my CCAs. Just let everything be decided by god. If i am destined to do bioengineer, i just take that course with no regrets.

Sometime, you will fail no matter how much effort and time you have put in whatever you do or want to get. That's what NUS interviewer told me. May be there is a reason why you fail yet you dun know about it.

After opening the letter from NTU, i am so happy that i am able to study into an university. Studying in an University is also been a dream as most of my aunts tend to look down on me after being compared to my older cousins. I just dun see a point in comparing children regard to study and admission to top schools. I just sympathize the children as they studying so hard just to let their parents to notice their existence and be proud of. I am so grateful that my parents aren't like that. They are always happy that i can make it from pri sch to university.

I still remember this pri sch teacher of mine, Mrs Tan. She was the one who really look down of me to the max. The things that she told my mom about my future almost made her cried at that moment. Mrs tan told her that my score for english is so bad that i can't even make it to secondary school. The best part is that i had 50 to 60 for english at that time. May be my english result is not up to top pri sch standard i suppose. Anyway, that's the past. I am so happy of what i have achieved so far in life. My parents are so proud of me even my brother. This is his first time of really agreed that i have tried my best to get a place in uni. During pri to sec sch, he was think that i did put in a lot of effort in the examinations such as PSLE and O'level. He would end up scolding me. But this time around, he gave me a so called prize and let me have my own way of studying without much interference.

it is 6.26pm now. yay. End work for the day. going to start packing up my bag to have dinner with him. i shall blog next time ya.

ALL oVeR aGain

2007-04-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

Feeling that i should let go of everything. My mind telling me to let go and move on with my life while my heart telling me not to. I believe that my life is always worries and more worries. I know my life is far better than other people's but haiz

A Big FaiLuRe FoR ToDay

2007-04-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i think things may backfire when you are trying too hard to get something that you really wants. i believe that i starts to lose hope in having interview. Totally nervous for nus. However, i really losing faith all over again. Going to have an escape to korea for relaxing myself and forget the sad things such as uni application results. Finally 6.30pm. going to chinatown to meet the gers for discussion of the trip.

I Loving this bracelet

2007-04-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

Went to School late today as i rushed to take a passport size photo. The picture looks disgusting though. Done with the last minute research paper. I love the bracelet that you give. I love it a lot.

yummY

2007-03-30T09:59:00.000+08:00

The yummy yet fattening sandwich

Sweetening Soya Milk

It is Friday again and it is the last day of month so i can shop quite late as the shopping hours extended. I felt touched when i saw breakfast on my table. I did not expect him to bring me breakfast. I can't stop smiling after seeing it. However, he was late for work again becos of me. I just hope that he don't do it again.

tired

2007-03-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

I have came back from my yunnan trip. it was a blasting fun trip but we only start to enjoy during the mid of it. A few days before we returned, i received a call from uni for an admission interview. However, did not know whether it is a good thing or bad. Anyway, went for it and have a strong feeling that i am not going to make it at all. dun know why i felt like this but i feel that chance is very slim if i ever get in. still haven't unpack my stuffs. i think i shall go and slp as it is late at nite now. ciao.

Second day at work

2007-02-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

Today is my second day at work as a temp staff for BME. pretty tired. However, it is less stress compared to FYP ya. Have to work for tml and have a two weeks for yunnan trip. Doing Reports Reports. I am more involved in research area for the solar panel and decide to do a bit of researching the variety of it. thinking of doing the report after i am done with the list of the solar panel. Going to doze off soon as spend almost half a day facing the computer. going to doze off when i am in the bus. hehe. take care and cya. having a birthday party on 4th march for bme pplz. hehe.

MOS

2007-02-22T01:01:00.000+08:00

Spent some quality time with my poly friends and went clubbing for the very first time. It was fun but the music just too loud and 3 drinks for tonight. i have a very bad alcohol level. hehe. it was quite fun initially but the music seems affecting my ears badly. Saw a few cute guys. hehe.

mIchelle

2007-02-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

Finally, 2 Feb marks the end of my poly school years. i am so going to miss each day with my poly friends. I bet i am going to cry on the graduation ceremony. I just feel that i am like rushing for a miracle to happen. I really want to know where my life is heading to? May be i should stop thinking much to protect myself for any unforeseen pain. May be i should not keep messaging that person as who knows that he may not be the one for me eventually? Have to keep numbing myself for another expected failed relationship. I hoping the next to be my last as i am so sick of falling in and out of love.

fun day

2007-01-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

Woke up early again. It was fun today and i get to learn a few new long words. It is my first time having my lunch at country manna. It taste quite alrite but the company there was great. Enjoy my sunday mornings and afternoons with them. I feel kinda of guilty of having lenard to drive me home after lunch. i have to say lots of thanks for his drive. i hope that he is able to get into medicine course in the university he is hoping for. He is pretty knowledgable towards the medical aspect. I just learnt that trans fat is toxic =X and it exists unnaturally in vegetables. Start to learn more things from them ya. hehe. Now, i have much more free time compared to the past few months. hehe. 3 more weeks to valentine day. Going to prepared something good for my dear dear FemaLe BMEians. hehe. The guys will be having something else from me though. thinking wat i should get. hehe.

missing fyp

2007-01-19T23:09:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of my FYP period. Having a mixture of feelings toward it. kinda hoping it will end quickly in the very start. However, i start to appreciate the times that i had during that period. Start to know how the things working for my algorithm even at times it may be fustrating. After FYP, you start to treasure and cherish time that you are spending on a day. every minute is so precious. I learnt how to manage my time. Sometimes, you will presevere to the end as you know your friends are around you to support and guide you along. i very appreciate the kindest act from esther and mr kou. I am extremely grateful for what mr chee has been for me and feel sorry for taking most of his time to help in my algorithm. He seems pretty fatherly to me. May be it is because project room seems to be my second home start from the very beginning of fyp. During my unofficial graduation, i think i may end up crying for some weird reasons as i miss the times i spent with my bmeians especially wan ting who was by my side from the very first day of my poly life. We shared our happy and sad moments together especially during fyp. Saw her broke down at my very face and i dun feel any better seeing her crying. Felt like crying with her instead. Thanks for being in this course even though it is a pretty boring one. If i did not appeal into this course, i may not know these wonderful people for coming into my life. i will never forget each individual.

feeling bored

2007-01-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

Having techno fair today. it is pretty much quite boring as not much ppl come around. It is raining quite heavily now. lots of emotions coming around. feeling that i should give him a chance? the weather is pretty cold now. A day is wasted like that. i think better start embark a journey of a new chapter in life.

tired

2007-01-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

feeling tired so easily. a lot of thing come to my mind. My life seems to have a good start for 2007 as my fyp is ending soon and graduation is soon. so many things left undone. May be there is a a reason why they left undone. A purpose undisclosed as time passes by. Had a lot of fun in church yesterday as the english band is really great in terms of the rock christian songs.

finally

2007-01-13T21:18:00.002+08:00

finally i am blogging for once. been really busy with projects, reports and revising my work. too little time to go out with friends and hang out. Went to marina square and had my first carls junior burger. I had it for my lunch and dinner so can you imagine how big was the burger. i am happy that biomedical science is opened to BME students starting from this year. However, i am not sure whether i am eligible for any course in ntu. faith going down again. i just want to get a degree. NTU is my dream school even though NUS is much nearer. i just find it funny how ntu and nus trying to promote their schools by making the other looks bad. it is so interesting. 3 more weeks to graduation. man how time really flies. after that, i will be going to yunnan for 13 days. had to send all my application forms before going for the community service work. haiz. so much things to do.

i like matt

2006-12-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

What a day today. I was being invited to a church service aka christmas celebration. it is pretty fun as it seems more like a concert and the drama is pretty entertaining. However, the actors and actresses will speak in chinese that i hardly understand what they are trying to say. better start brushing up my chinese or else i will be like a chinese who could only speak one which is the international language. This performance totally change my view of church service. There is a cute little ger sitting in front of me keep saying bye bye to me. haha. so adorable. Thanks for the invitation, matt. anyway, after that we went to have our dinner at vivo city to try the sarawak noodle. quite nice but slightly salty. haha. took a lot of pics. haha. what a wonderful day today.

stupid shin

2006-12-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

Went to perform some good deed such as flag day. Sometimes, you can see the real nature of human includes the ugly side of mankind. People are able to treat you like you do not exist at all. existence is what everyone is trying to proof that they have made an impact on someone? I have decided of travelling alone next year. a place where i could roam around the streets and looking at the sky that actually filled of stars. No matter where i am, the experience i gain will be forgotten. Slowly, ppl will tend to forget who i am. forget everything about my existence. how wonderful to have a life that you do not have to care what people around you think of you especially the one who you like. As knowing the real truth hurts a lot at times.

May be edric is right. my world simply revolves around him only. that's the past. future of blurriness is overshadowed by my past that i am not willing to share with anyone. when i need someone, am i able to find that someone who i can open up to? why i am crying every month for the same reason? a voice saying don't worry, i will be there for you no matter what or i will carry your tears away from you? a simple word from HIM managed to calm me down. a look of his face cheer me up. miss those moments. those moments worth more than gold. crying at a dark corner hiding the real me from everyone.

finally over

2006-12-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

finally all common tests end. i would say MIIT is very unexpected. CE is too much thing to remember and BI just okie. tired of studying a few days ago. having like 2 - 4 hours of sleep. simply tired. almost fall asleep just now while watching tv. terrible. my legs are sore. yay. i am going to have lots of sports in line for me. tomorrow, i shall play tennis with bmeians and ice skate with seniors and a few bmeians on sunday. finally get to do things i will enjoy the most. miss those sports. may be having a basketball match with them. trying to play more sports. i have decided to start picking up violin as i always wanted to play either violin or guitar. violin seems to be a more sophiscated instruments. anyway, i just found out that mr chua's gigantic goldfish just passed away so let's have a moment of silence for the fish. violin violin here i come. yay. start to pretty much like my life.

everything is sucky

2006-11-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

Just received a news from Mr Tim Foo that the final review is postponed on 8 Jan. However, i felt that there are pros and cons as lecturers may have a much higher expectations for you since you having a longer time than expected deadline. I start to question myself about my own personality and character. Did i change a lot since secondary school?? i begin to feel that i am no longer that demure and innocent girl who trust simply everyone. What create this huge change in me?? Losing faith in myself and things i am doing. Simply just tired for anything in my life now at the moment.

I'm really a vulnerable girl simply break down easily at a corner without questioning myself for this behaviour. I just want to escape from it but i know i can't as i have to carry on moving forward. Growing up simply not easy. It is so contradicting that how much you want to grow up when you were a kid and vice versa. Life is simply not a bed of roses. It will destroy you during the time it wants something in return.

I always behave like i am jovial little girl who is so optimistic. Has it been a strong front of myself to protect from any harm or sorrow i will get in the future??? Decided going to the yunnan trip with suaidah and an le. i am not sure whether there are other bme ppl. going to write a diary on my days there to keep note every details and happiness that i have during the trip.

peakdetector

2006-11-24T22:56:00.000+08:00

Today really have a bad mood to do anything. There is a virus spread in the school network. The surprised part is that 5 Bmeians have this virus out of 18 for today. shocking to say tat our network is not secured enuff even it has firewall protection. Have the urge to write a poem to describe for i feel towards someone or something in life. tired tired. going to swim again tml. haha to relax myself for 1 day.

not again

2006-11-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

i am crying yet again even at home. memories of her is far too much for me to handle. why am i missing her so much? i really want to hug her again and tell her i miss her a lot. why must she be taken away from me. so much questions i really want to ask her. i miss that smile on her face. i miss so many things about her. i know she is around me as i could feel her presence at time. i really miss to see her once more even in my dreams. i am scarred by my past badly but it could be healed the moment i saw her. I was hoping that she could be there for my happiness. unfortunately, i know she could not anymore. Crying over it will not make her wake up from a deep sleep. I always try to hide my real feelings by smiling and assume things will be fine after i smile. I only could let my mask down when i am all by myself. I do not want to show people the vulnerable side of me. If i could turn back the time, i will tell her to take good care of herself and want her to come for my graduation.

things will not the be the same again

2006-11-20T10:55:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since i last blog about my life and people around me. Things have changed quite a bit compared to the past. I had a swim with my cousins, Perrie (10 years old)and Brandon (4 years old). Everything was pretty okay last night. However there is a lachrymose moment or situation. My cousin, perrie speaks every single word about the past and shows how much he miss my granny. I am proud to say that he learnt how to move on with his life with memories of my granny. He always think about her. I truly understand how he felt at that moment as I really breakdown and the first person who i think of is always her. How could such beautiful woman who leave us so early? My memory of her always stays at the day i last went to her house which is 2 days before she died. She keep telling me to take care and always visit my cousins whenever i have a chance to do so. She is the one who truly taught me the way i have to face the path i wanted to go and the only person who really understand me as a special individual. When he said about the moment of her, i really always wanted to cry but have to put on a strong front so that i could protect this cousin of mine. The only way he could ever sleep is holding the pillow he had since a toddler and it is made by her. The amount of missing someone is so unimaginable. I did not really think that kids will learn to miss someone. Since my grandpa and her deaths, a house, which always filled with kids running around and adults update each other about what they have done and gossiping, turned to a deserted house that has no memories of them. Perrie truly miss cousins, aunts and uncles coming to his house and warmth he misses so much. I thought he has grown up and learnt what independent is. I truly forgot a promise that i have made with my late granny. I have neglect him and his feelings through this year. The promise has become like a last responsibility she hope i will fulfil it. The one sentence he ever say to me yesterday that truly make me cried which is "michelle jie jie, please visit me when you are free." It may sound like i am oversensitive but i really feel that he needs me to be there for him once in a while. He still remember the moments that we spent with my first love that i truly forgot about it. The most shocking part is that he could describe every details that day happened. I believe that he misses everyone who cross his path in the past. I did not know my first love made such an impact on him. Perrie thought i have a korean boyfriend now. so hilarious when i saw his reaction of his brother told him that. I believe he will grown up as a "rare" type of guy who truly sentimental and psevere to the end. I really admire him as i as an adult could not do so yet. Always have a moment of giving up. From now on, i should start to have the same mindset as him. A kid who is so inspirational. Hope everything good may happen to him. I saw my aunt punishing my cousin for bullying his sister by hitting her with a cable. I admired him as he did not shed a single tear even though there are hitting marks on his skin. I feel a trace of bias towards his sister and she will be pretty much overprotected or spoilt in the future. She is the one who disturb her brother first. Why the punishment has to be him instead of both of them? The way my aunt hit my cousin was intolerable as the mother will pull her son's hair to ask her son to look at her ears. I know that i have no right to say anything. The way previous generation punish their kids will not be applied for the generation after me. I want them to learn from their mistakes instead of having the hatre in them. Things i have learnt from my experience is that nothing is forever and we have to accept life as it comes instead of hoping this and that will remain the same as the past. Learnt to move on with lots of happy memories that i have.

deepavali celebration

2006-10-22T17:57:00.000+08:00

Went to nanda's house for deepavali celebration. His mom's cooking was superb as every dish is very tasty and succulent. We had a lot of fun playing card games and PS2. It has been a long time i played PS 2 games with anyone. haha. Playing with Shin may seems challenging as he is good in Gran Taresmo and soul calber. haha. I finally know the smell of taiwan famous smelly toufu. It smells like garbage. i believe that it will taste the same as normal deep fried toufu. haha. After tat, we went to watch world trade centre. It was not bad besides the neck aching view. haha. Actually, tok most of the time in the movie. haha. I actually saw a pair of caucasian couple walking out of the theatre in the midst of the movie. haha. extremely surprised. haha. Anyway, the day was really fun. It has been a long time since i last have fun with bme people.

Celebration of the party YAY!!!!!

2006-10-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

There are some pics that were taken in the pizza hut where we celebrate su, zh and christine's birthday. Hope you guys enjoy the pics. I had a lot of fun there for some weird reasons. may be becos it has been a long time since i celebrate my friend's birthday. Let Me tHink about a few months ago. haha.

One is bored while the another keep laughing.

Birthday people : suaidah, zhong hong and christine

group photo with the birthday people

1 guy, 5 girls and a pizza place

the future

2006-08-21T14:23:00.000+08:00

my parents seems pretty much getting a divorce soon. However, tHis has been on for ages so i was not really surprised when they say it.

Holidays for Me seems really bored. I dun know why. i just feel like starting my project by doing for somE research. I basically doing the software part while wan ting doing the hardware.

I can not believe that i am graduating less than half a year. lots of things flashing past my mind. most probably going to either business or medicine. I am a science and maths student. I am able to do well in those subjects especially mathematics. i could be the next ah teng. haha. just kidding.

It is so weird as i have been so thrifty but i can be pretty generous when comes to buying presents. My friend just given up her 3 yrs relationship for a guy. There is always the case that one of the parties kinda of consider having more freedom. I totally agreed to a certain extent that i also needed freedom. Sometimes, i found that what i have given up for a thing called freedom seems to be more than i expected. I gave up one relationship with a guy who i initially tot that i can not have a future with. However, you guys may think i need guys desperately. that is so not true. i am very happy with my life at this point of time even though there are times that i will cry for no reasons. It is natural to cry? I am happy that my second ex becomes my good friend and call up once in a while even he has a gf now. That's what 1 thing i am sure of is i never lost a friend after a relationship. I can't turn back the time but i can plan my steps to a brighter future. i have thought it for a very long time. Life is not about relationship. It is about the process of how you try to fulfill the things that you want to achieve and loving one and another.

Stella is going to germany two weeks later. i am sure that i going to miss her lots. 5 months in a totally unfamiliar country. i think i could not bear leaving anyone in singapore. i just hope that she will be doing fine there.

Everyone who is having exams this week. i wish you all the best for your final examinations that you going to take in np. haha. enjoy the adrenalin rush in you. haha.

i want to do well

2006-08-17T15:16:00.000+08:00

finally presentation is over. i know that i did not get into the second review. pretty much disappointed in myself as i want to get A for attachment. i know that i did not do well for it. my dreams of getting into uni soon will become a virtual thing. nothing much to say about my studies.

haiz

2006-08-03T20:04:00.000+08:00

Attachment ending real soon like in a week's time. having someone confessed to me last night. did not know what i was suppose to do. clueless as usual. waiting for the right person at the right time. he seems to understand me real well. but i fell for him and those feelings did not last. i dun know. he knows what we are not meant for each other becos of our age gap. i did not know what to tell him when he asked me whether i still like him anymore as i dun want to think about it.

being forgotten

2006-08-01T19:48:00.000+08:00

It is how weird that life can be. At times that i really believe that what you say as me being your best or good friend. may be we were too young to understand what that really means. may be nothing in life last forever eventually. I admit that i was always too naive and trust almost everyone. I lost a boyfriend and a close friend as well. we simply drift apart. i know that each of us has things that we simply don't understand each other. Life is not always sweet. may be life is sweet when you finally put your heart into what you want to achieve. i think for now, life is going to be bitter as i am so worried of my grade for my attachment as i know i may not do quite well.

Michelle as usual, worried these and worried that. Forever worried about anything that is part of her. Anyway, having plans on how i should spend on my holidays. simply daydreaming. i may be i should be independent and realised that i have other friends.

mictheone

2006-07-08T00:52:00.000+08:00

Liking him seems impossible for me as i slowly felt that he is having another ger in his mind. i realy don't know what is he tHinking. When he told me that he likes me, should i believe what he says? i felt so lonely. i really do. at times, i will cried because of the emptiness and loneliness in me is killing me. Simply say that no one really truly understand me. i want something that is so precious to me that money can't buy. i am seeking for those that means so much to Me in life. Those are such as kinship and love. I know i keep complaining abt this. But i dun noe why my tears seems so cold. so cold that i can hardly breathe.

missing

2006-07-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

I witnessed a war between a supervisor with leadership quality who takes the compliments and push the blames to the technicians and technicians who work their butts off in their job. It is true and yet seem quite scary. Is it a truth that no one willing to share? why do supervisor have to scold them in front of the vendor to show off their power? i really do not see the point of pushing the blame and let others be your scapegoat. Some things that i am not willing to disclosed in my weekly report as i afraid that i may get my colleagues into problem. Anyway, things will get better i hope. I am a ger who hope that my smiles will work wonder to them.

Anyway, i went out with stella, hj and my secret friend to watch superman returns at west mall. Only stella and i know who the secret friend of mine is. I was very ecstatic straight after i reached home. How i wish the night will not end so early as i really want to spend longer time with him. I believe that he knows how i feel as i keep asking him out to watch movies. at times, i may think he is avoiding me as he just treat me as a friend. I just wish to tell him that i like him but i dun expect him to like me back. i just want him to be happy and that's about it. Seeing the guy being happy is more important to demand him to be with me. I feel i kind of mature now but will definitely be sad for a moment.

2323

2006-06-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

today, both of my colleagues are on leave. i am the only one doing repair. even though i did not do much but at least i tried to clear 3 devices. i hope that may be tml will be a better day as i want to do more repairs. i shall start on my monitor tomorrow. is there any nice shows on tv tmr? i am deprive from having enuff of sleeps. went to malaysia yesterday. it was great in terms of the foods. may be i am a food lover. you can tell by my size. haha. not much thing to blog lately. i do not know why. i have a friend who sms me while he is in camp. haha. i am sure that he is so bored in camp. boredom really lingers in him. However, i find it sweet as at least he knows my existence as a friend. i have a craving for pasta again. i love pasta mania's al funghi. the mushroom with garlic cream sauce on a warm and well cooked linguinie. yummy. i can eat a lot of that yet will not get sick of it.

mi

2006-06-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

start to listening to zhou jie lun's songs. dun know why i start to listen to his songs. May be each songs has special meaning to me. I feel that i am being more and more sensitive lately. He asked me whether i want to watch movie just my luck and if i do, i could go to suntec to watch with him and his sisters. Does he mean it or treating me as a very good friend?

He called this morning asking me whether i am stuck somewhere as i still haven't reached workplace at my usual time. does it mean he care? i dun know why. i always have a smile on my face when i am with him. a smile that i dun really have ever since edric broke up with me.

i have to start reading and understand my service manuals. haha. i want to get distinction for iap. crossing my fingers.

haiz

2006-06-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

it is another weekend again. it seems like such a boring cycle that keeps coming. i just deleted 20 pics accidentally. haha. i dun really care but have to let my friends know that i accidentally delete the pics. They seems like memories or people as once you lost them, you may lost them forever without knowing it. however, those pics that i deleted most of them are pics with my friends. Sorry guys that i deleted the pics. Next time we go balcony again to enjoy the ambience.

Now, i dun really care whether you are a smoker or not as liking someone means that you have to accept the strong personality and also all of the flaws. i know that i am not perfect so why i try to make someone to be perfect. accepting flaws seems to be the toughest barrier that couple will try to cross over. ThinGs may not seems wonderful but trying to like someone wholeheartedly is something that give you a sense of comfort or secure.

Had a drink with derong and my usual batch of friends. It is nice catching up with deron as we have not tok to each other face to face for more than 2 years. Seeing him again makes me feel that he has become cuter and taller. i always tot that he has the same height as me. did not know that he has smoking habit but dun really mind as he is wonderful guy who is a few times better than some guys who i know. During the days in NS, he become a more disciplined and a great gentleman, i really hope that i can have some time hang out with him. just let nature takes its course for this friendship to become best of friends.

tired every night

2006-06-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

So fast that i am at alexandra hospital for 3 months. i am going to miss the days working there. will my life no longer be the same after this attachment? I always fell asleep on my couch as soon as i sat on it. Nowadays, i started to finish my daily report at my workplace so do not really have to worry about any assignment to do.

Nick who like me for 5 yrs is about to go to aussie to further his gaming career. he asked Me out for a friend out gathering. should i go?

I start to realise that i start to like guys who i feel comfortable and have a lot of laughters with, respect me and give me the freedom that i want. I used to like guys solely on how they look. i felt stupid as i know looks will fades off one day.

i got approached by a modelling agency located at taka tower A. i doubt what the guy says as i do not have the model qualities. my weight is like a lot heavier than theirs and i am not pretty at all. i just think they want to con my money. haha.

i had a weird dream last night. dreamt of a lot of people including shan and bing hong. haha. i am a weird person with a weird dream.

It is the first time saying that i have puffy eyes yet i am still quite pretty. is it true from your heart or you saying it to comfort me? i have so much laughter with him. when i am quiet, he will like tried to make me laugh like doing silly stuffs. he is childish at times but i really dun mind. it just become so not me. he was like don't don't tok to Me which means tok to me. do i really start to like older guys instead of guys around my age?

Having attachment really indeed change my prospects of life. totally changed everything that i used to see the world. i am not sure whether i have changed for the good or bad. i know that i pretty like the new Me. living life to the fullest with laughter and happiness that i can't find easily. i will treasure it more than anything else.

i just found out that you will gain muscles while working in alexandra hospital. i have 2 xiao lao shu around my arm. haha. quite scary as it used to be flabby. haha. even though there are some conflicts at my workplace that i did not mention in my report as i am not suppose to do. people leave the place becos of these conflicts yet the person did not know about it.

i think i shall write until here for now since i am like so tired. haha. should i wait for him to confess to me or ask him whether he has feelings for me ? i think may be should let everything fits in real right.

i am happy that people beside has found their happiness. Wei zhong still calls me. i am not sure what he wants from me. i know he just want to be friends but i can only sms him as i dun really tok to guy friends on the phone unless they are like very close to me. i just feel that he wants more than i can give to him.

en en and doreen's birthday

2006-05-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

20th May 2006....

That's the day that we celebrated en en's birthday. It was the first time i spent so much money but it all worth while. We had the finest cakes at a bakery shop at paragon, japanese food at liang court and finally had a few glasses of wines at asylum ( clarke quaky). Firstly, the cakes are really superb and they have the nicest new york cheesecake. i am so in love with cheesecakes. However, the price is also like wow. A slice cost around 6 bucks but it is worth that price. may be once in a while i shall pamper myself to have a slice. haha. fattening but nice and gave me a feeling of fufilling something great in my life. haha. After that, we went straight to clarke quay but we had to have something before we start drinking as you will get a belly if you are drinking with an empty stomach. The japanese restaurant seems quite famous and i found out that 4 crab claws cost 98 bucks. wow. thankfully, the dishes that we order are not so expensive and yet it tastes so good. Initially we wanted to go zouk as it has the ambience that en en likes. The admission fee is super expensive as it cost at least 20 bucks for each person during weekends. wow. Finally, we settled down with asylum which is a pub with a bottle of white wine from chile and a basket of fries. The price for it is like 54 bucks. wow. each of us had 2-3 glasses of wines. worth it. all of us got so high and happy. haha. For me, i got high only for 2 hours. haha. After the drink, i walked with jian yang to great world and tok a lot of stuffs. it is the first time that i tok so much to him. We walked past zouk and it does not seem as happening as i thought. haha.

xue yi and I

me and en en

21 May 2006.....
went to celebrate doreen's birthday with wen xu and they all. We settled our dinner at curry flavour and the food there tasted great. I had lots of fun with them at the restaurant as seeing what silly things that desmond done. Almost saw salleh's gf but just that we don't have the fate to know each other. After that, we played pool till 10 pm and walked to the nearest bus stop to take bus home. On the way, desmond has the urge to have ice cream haha. But the weird thing is that the birthday ger treating us ice cream. There was a silly game that desmond suggested but it sounds fun. It goes like judge a ger's appearance from 1 to 10. whoever give the same grade has to hit that person. haha. doreen and i tok about our past relationship. it seems like what we always tok about lately. haha. may be we are 2 gers with the same fate. haha.

hot

2006-05-20T12:45:00.000+08:00

my long awaiting weekends are here. I really enjoyed myself last night as having fun with my friends in the welcoming party. Through the party, i finally found out there are not much left handed among bmeians. So am i consider a special one? How funny is that Fu hai and i know the stupid rumour yet his colleague still making fun of him every friday.

Lastly, i was witnessing how far a guy can do to find a ger who he truly love yet he can not do anything to change her mind. It was pretty scary. However, it reminded me that was i like that when i was with edric? did my possessive actions make him feel scared of me? Those are the questions that will always remained unanswered and untouched by anyone. I am no longer being shaken by anything about them since i am willing to give them my blessings.

Giving myself some time until end of this month. Time to surpress my feelings for him and letting myself go on with my friends who will always there for me. I have thought of going to germany with stella in order for me to get away from singapore to forget about my past and present. Silly of me to think that way. The reason that i did not go with her is my family. i am an overprotected or you can say pampered girl. Everything in the past seems overpowering in my life that sometimes may affect my performance in studies and work even become "soft" and fragile more than usual. I may sound miserable but at least that i am the only one feeling it while seeing others happy. I will still have that smile on my face no matter what as i do not like to let anyone to see the sad side of me.

may be what my bro say is rite. i am just too weak in emotional control and usually get defeated by it.

haiz

2006-05-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

I got to see him with her in school around at night. what he said should i believe? what is in the past will always remain as past or should i get what i believe in? i believe that i have no chance as i am not like her who is smart and proactive. May be i am not the one for him. I wonder why i keep looking back to those that i am unable to have. i really do like him. Am i giving a second chance to make miracles happen? i want to treasure him and the memories he created. I always want the simplest thing to be the sweetest one. Am i being silly or possessive? I keep going ahead while my mind is still in the past. I guess he will never understand how i feel now. may be it is karma. what you did to him is return back to you the same way. may be we are not just fated to be together afterall. If a person who is meant for you, no matter how long you wait for him, he will still be back to you. I hope that sentence is forever true. i pray hard, i pray for good. hoping what i hope for will come true. i simply wanted to cry when i saw both of them together. God, what do you want me to do after seeing them? you want me to move on with my life is it or stay in the present to hope that he will look back??

what should i do?

2006-05-14T17:30:00.000+08:00

been sick lately. having a bad sore throat at the start and it slowly turn to a cough and now slight fever. i have been thinking a lot. you say you like me and totally have no feelings for your ex a few months ago. i actually believe in you as a friend. However, it is a wrong decision for me to trust you. you like me and love her as well. do you know that she is my good friend and how could you do this to her? The type of guy i dislike the most is a guy who is two timing. I always believe that no one can have two gers in their hearts. it is pretty impossible unless you are a flicker minded guy. I am angry as how can you do this to my friend. why asking me to be your gf when you know so well that you still have feelings for her? why don't you continue loving her and treat her well so she will go back to you? i have enuff of this type of thing. i want to be treated and liked as who i am instead of being needed as a substitute. I know how the feeling of being treated as a substitute as i was once like that. i do not want two people to be unhappy due to a desperate need of a relationship.

w

feeling miserable

2006-04-29T21:01:00.000+08:00

Feeling more and more miserable lately. I dun noe why. everything is like in the past yet the wound seems hurt even more lately. i thought i can forget abt the love that he had given me and i able to find someone who love me more than him. Sadly, i know a few guys want that chance to do so. my heart just won't listen. it kept telling me that he is the best. i really miss the old him. where is he? i have lost that person for so long. Will i find that person again? kept crying for no reason? when a person cry, it means that she do not know what to do. Now, i really dun noe what i should do about my life. i want to stop crying but i just can't. I think i am experiencing what i had been through last year. It seems start all over again. Do not have any appetitie and slp. kept dreaming of the past.

I even cry when i am dreaming. i really want to be strong. i am so hurt right now. do not know how to express myself. all alone now. crying without anyone here. i am getting deeper into my own world. a world that only has misery. Lost the feeling of true love and unable to love anyone again. I truly want to give one of my admirers a chance just that i am scared to be hurt again as i know i am unable to take it anymore.

I am no longer the sunshine ger that i was two months ago. I thought getting good grades and work done will make me happy. However, it does not give me what i want. If i am able to go back to the past, i really want to change everything such as did not say yes to him. May be i will be happier now. love really is a bittersweet thing. Out of sudden, i felt so lonely but i dun want to be with anyone becos of that. i want to be with someone that i have feelings for.

tired and restless towards my life

2006-04-27T22:47:00.001+08:00

I shall blog something before i sleep. Things seems better many because my great grandaunt visiting me. Mood swings i suppose. I don't know why i tend to freak out whenever someone confessed to me. I am not myself lately. unable to focus on anything like today. did not really listen to what my colleague try to tell or help me. Believe that my friends have found their ones and i am so happy for them. Usually they are the one who are so envious of me and it is the vice versa.

my heart always seems shattered and the past memories may seems wonderful but it seems more like a burden now as it is trying to push me backward more when i really want to go forward. You know the feeling of like stuck in the middle of nowhere in life? totally clueless what my future is. Will i be contented when the right one is here? i am so afraid to make any further mistakes as i used my head to solve relationship problems instead of with my heart. May be what gwen said is right. Past relationship will be burdens in a way. Imagine a scenerio: you accidentally stepped into a pool of quick sand. no matter how much you try to struggle, you sank deeper. that's how i truly feel in the past few days.

Attachment seems getting worse and worse as i always make mistakes and seems useless. may be simply sae i am a useless person. Will anyone rememeber my existence when i vanished from the surface of the earth? i know a lot of people care for me but i really need someone who truly able to be there to give me everything i always try to search for in a person and truly understand me for who i really deep down inside. Whenever i have problems especially emotional ones, i still smile as i dun want people to worry about me and lost in my own world.

It takes really a long time for me to stand up again. i shall persevere and determined to succeed it by the end of my poly life. i shall miss all of them when poly ends and again lost contact with all of my poly friends. it seems like i lost old friends when i am in a new school or can i say a new phase of life.

tired and restless towards my life

2006-04-27T22:47:00.000+08:00

finally have time to blog again

2006-04-26T21:24:00.000+08:00

finally blog after i dun noe how many days. hardly able to find time to write. Lots of things have come and pass by. too much for my head to contain. I am so envious of homosexual couples in a way as regardless how the society is treating them, they are still standing strong next to each other. That is what i called true love. No matter how hard the life lies ahead for you, you still with that person who you truly believe that you will have happiness with.

i did quite a lot of work but my mind keep thinking of the past that i still dwelling myself in. may be i have lots of regrets in my past. why i did not think carefully before making any actions that i know i will regret? may be i was too young at that time.

That are so many things for me to do to prepare my future but my future seems more blurry then before. Anyway, no matter what future holds for me, i , new michelle, will face it strongly.

i want to watch a lot of movies such as X men 3 and lotsa more. i think either watch it with friends or may be alone. haha.

Finally blog

2006-04-09T14:27:00.000+08:00

FinaLLy haVe A DaY aT HoMe!!!! YaY. I Am ReStLeSs AnD TiReD LaTeLy. LoTs of THinGs cRosS My MiNd. I NeeD soMeOne wHo reaLLy TreAts Me WeLL. JuSt that i dUn NeeD a BaStARd to sPoiLt My LiFe. If LiKiNg YoU iS MakiNg Me LoSinG My SiGhT, i aDmIt TaT i Am BLind To LiKe YoU. MiSeRaBLe i ALwAYs FeeL. CLeaRiNg aLL My SoRRoW and MiSeRy, I aM GoiNg to WaLk AwAy WitH fEeLiNgs i HaVe FoR YoU. I wAnT YoU oNLy BuT i KnOw TaT i cAn'T haVe YoU. EveRyOne ThInks I Am BeiNg sTupId Of LikIng YoU BuT i DoN'T ReaLLy CaRe TaT mUcH as I JuSt WaNt tO Be WiTh YoU aNd OnLy YoU.

2006-04-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

You scored as Angel.
Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

Angel

92%

Faerie

75%

WereWolf

58%

Mermaid

50%

Demon

25%

Dragon

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Soccer/Football Jocks

Soccer/Football Jocks

80%

Skater Boys

65%

Preppy Fellows

40%

Gothic Boys

25%

Your Ideal Boyfriend
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You scored as yeah u r but u shud get ur eyesight checked. u r a fukin bombshell but u just dint c it, tho unblind ppl do! so u might consider the idea of gettin ur eyes checked... or maybe u hav an evil mirror who reflects the opposite of wut is being seen but deep inside u kno ur better lookin than others...

yeah u r but u shud get ur eyesight checked

64%

self -esteem exremely HIGH!!

21%

r u hot but u just dont realize u r?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as head over heels. well, it's official. you're in love. and i do mean in love. so go tell the lucky guy/gal. don't just sit around on your bum and wait for them to call you. let them know how you feel. but whatever you do, it's for sure. you're in love. way in love......

head over heels

80%

just friendship

30%

infatuation

15%

are you in love...or is it just infatuation?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as One they want but can't have. You are the kind of girl that guys want but they know they can't have you. Your not easy they love your daredevil attitude and totally awesome style.

One they want but can't have

69%

Girl whos a friend

63%

Preppy

50%

Smart girl

50%

The hot chick

25%

What do guys think of you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Good Boy.

Good Boy

83%

Skater Boy

58%

Quiet sweetie

38%

Jock

33%

Bad Boy

29%

What kinda guy are u into???
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You are an Angel of Pain

81%

You are half Fallen/ half Light Angel!

69%

Angel of Light

63%

You are an Angel of Beauty

56%

You are an innocent Angel

50%

What kind of Angel are you??(PICS)
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-04-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

You scored as Outgoing. You outgoing and you have a very friendly personality.

Nice

100%

Outgoing

100%

Fun

63%

Dramatic

50%

Immature

38%

Shy

38%

mean

2006-04-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hippy

75%

Athletic Tomboy

75%

Popular Bitch

63%

Nerdy Girl

31%

Slut

25%

Preppy Girl

25%

Goth

13%

Loser

What type of girl are you?!!
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You scored as Athletic Tomboy.

What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com

tired and miserable

2006-03-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

i get so tired easily lately. However, i suddenly remember the first gift that i bought for my first love which says cold, tired and miserable at the front and pain is temporary but pride is forever. that shirt gave me a lot of memories. it was one of his fave shirts at that time. i still keep the stuffs that he got for me. is he doing the same or threw everything away as he has a new ger by his side?? no matter what i will keep his stuffs in boxes for the memories. miss the pure and simple love that i once had. may be i haven't let go entirely everything about him. a small part of him still belongs to him no matter how long i live. it is easy to like someone but it is not easy to forget someone who you once love so much. i am not sure how long i am going to take but i know i will slowly move out of the shadows of my past. i remember those poems that i wrote for him and a lot of break up letters that i had and did not dare to gave them to him at tat time. i know he has forgotten the 4 yrs of relationship but i still can't forget abt it as it is like the 4 best years of life being with someone who i can share almost everything with. i just hope that i am able to do that with my next guy. anyway, need to slp or else tmr no strength to hear my supervisors' speeches. haha.

went to sentosa

2006-03-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

todae was fun even though i am out with 3 of my classmates instead of 9 of them. it was great. had a lot of fun writting names and stuffs. freesbe is great. haha. i better do more exercise to make myself feel healthy. getting tired after 30 minutes of freesbe. better start to join jogging with stella and joanne. haha. i want to make my body healthy. may be date them for jogging every tuesdae. haha. love them and miss them. i want to lose weight and be healthy. haha.

should i?

2006-03-17T23:53:00.000+08:00

life is so fun in my iap. had lotsa of laughters with my colleague, Lee Chong. he is like a brother to me. you thinK i should ask Him wat he thinks about me before telling him that i like him? it is like so weird to even ask him that question. haha. i think he haven't notice my existence or may be i am nothing in his eyes. haiz. life is bitter for this.

tummyache

2006-03-13T19:59:00.000+08:00

today is my first day in Alexandra Hospital. had a bit of fun but my attire was wrong. i have to wear office wear. diao. make me look so old. todae seems like such a bad day for me. vomit a lot in the morning. i still can remember that puke hydrochloric acid. worse start of the day. pretty tired. had a lot of fun todae even though did not do much. i start to like know a lot of stuffs. haha. i want my brain to be a sponge to absorb everything. miss the bme gers. miss them to bits. it is alrite. i will meet them on sunday. haha. i got a lot of things to tell them. haha. hmmm. hope that tmr i will learn more stuffs. haha. all of them are so nice so far. haha. i hope that i will enjoy my attachment there.

birthdae celebration

2006-03-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my "BiG DaY" which is my 19th birthday. i heard from my mom that my cousin's bf's family came to the celebration which is a good sign. she is getting married soon i think. haha. happy for her to find the one. but the weird part is my relatives did not take pics with my cousin. i am like unable to go as my bro sae why go there when you are not celebrating your birthday there. went out with my friend in the afternoon and met up with my sec sch friends at night. quite busy for the whole day. haha. you want to know more of what i really did. you can ask me. haha. do not want to disclose it in the blog as i am afraid that lecturers may read it. haha. always bumping to the wrong guys and i so happened to buy a magazine how not to bump to the wrong type of guys and temporarily relationship. there are 5 type of problem match.

Problem match #1 : the person start to criticise almost everything about you. he trying t0 be strong and start to dispise your weakness and magnify it to be such a big thing. he will get sick of you and find another ger as he fears he could be adequate.

Problem match #2 : one of them start to be a control freak or more dominant than the other party.

Problem match #3 : hoping to change the other party in terms of asking him not to stop being addicted to alcoholic drink. when she is unable to change him, she will leave him to prevent himself from feeling frustrated and depressed.

Problem match #4 : each of them wants the other to accept them but they have the same type of needs. the relationship is fraught with terrible jealousy, severe dependency and lots of "gimme gimme" characteristics. they will end up breaking up as both of them are too needy and unable to satisfy the other's needs.

Problem match #5 : having a demanding relationship. this is the most dysfunctional relationship as one party will be dependable but dull while the other be more sociable, effervescent and people's person. the more he doesn't give him a response, the more it drive him crazy and the more it is going to drive him back to his shell.

ways of preventing to have a dysfunctional relationship :

make a list of traits that you like your ideal partner to possess
write down the type of relationship you wish to have and believe that you deserve this type of relationship
identify the sort of dysfunctional relationship you keep finding yourself in with a new guy. for example, they are more emotionally distant.
how and why you always end up with the same type of guys? identify aspects of your behaviour, habits and/or personality you'd like to change.
work on addressing any self-esteem or emotional issues you might have. only then you can break away from this type of relationsip pattern once and for all.

actually it is about giving more than taking. relationship is all abt giving and cooperation from each other. trust is the most important and above all the qualities that you hope for in a guy. anyway, i am starting my job tmr. haiz. hope to have a good time there. 5 months. it will pass like a blink of an eye.

hiaiai

2006-03-09T21:20:00.000+08:00

lalalalalalalala......................lalalalalalalalala......................................lalalalalalalala...................................... trying to sing song in my room. muah haha. i just found out that the average in the class for esa is like B after moderation. haiz. MR cHua said that the standard is around the same as our seniors and congrats to shin han for getting highest in esa which is the toughest module. smarty guy. Envious Envious. today, my bro told me something. he goes like this " there is no ugly gers but there are lazy gers" and i belong to the lazy gers as i dun know to take care of myself and try to make myself beautiful. however, i may not be the pretty thing but i am a strong and trying to give my 100 % in whatever i do. IndePenDent ger i want to be!!!! i think i have to cut my hair soon but first i have to wait for the store to finish their renovation first. haha. my fringe is like so irritating. i just found out that i have to do a medical protocol which i have no idea wat it is. i think i am going to fail for my attachment. i have to know how to use matlab as well. die la. die la. tmr is stella's big Day. haha. i hope she will be having fun tmr. haha.

wat a F dae

2006-03-05T22:18:00.000+08:00

my birthday has no meaning anymore. i no longer have the will and find the meaning of celebrating. my parents will be doing majong or horse racing and bro will be busy with his stuffs. everyone seems to be so busy. sec sch friends seems like slamming their doors on my face. my cousin is celebrating her birthdae on my actual birthday and i can not celebrate with her as my aunt seems to don't give a damn abt my birthday. no one seems to care abt the day of my birth which is so significant to me. crying so much lately. i think i just sleep the whole day. i amem so weak. emotional ride is back again. cry cry cry. that's wat i have been for the past two daes of my holidae. i am so weak. may be that's why i look weak. i am not independent and strong. i dun know why i have that impression from people. i am just a ger sitting near a corner shouting for help. however, no one is able to hear that cry. that cry will be the last cry from Me as i will disappear or vanish from people's lives. i always seems like i do not have any importance in people's lives. they just walk in and out of my life like nothing happens. i am sick of this way of living. my family ask me to go genting but i think i will say no as i want to do my attachment and i want to be alone from everyone. i am always alone. i have myself to help me out. i have myself to stand by me. i have myself to comfort for. no matter wat, i always have myself.

thanks ger

2006-03-03T01:00:00.000+08:00

having my last paper todae. i dun know why it must be esa. hmmmm. i dun care liao. can pass i am so grateful. went to east coast parkway to cycle with the BME gers. i really enjoy it todae. push each other in the pool. it has been a long time since i last enjoy myself. when i was in the ecp, lots of memories from the past flashing back my mind. while cycling, i am still able to remember the small little details. memories are such wonderful stuffs. i had my first birthdae celebration and present todae from the gers. thanks for the watch. i really appreciate it a lot. still i have to figure out how to read the watch. haha. it is unique yet special. thanks. muacks

michelee

2006-02-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

haiz. should i work in alexandra hospital?? my wish of getting into a university seems like being broken. no longer have the faith in getting into a local university. i want to get into NUS to do bio engineering. am i able to do so? may be something are suppose to just remain as a dream. anyway, i think i just have to work hard for my remaining modules. hope i can get As and Bs. may be i am not meant to get into a university. may be there is no place for me to go there. just work harder a bit. it is always like there in my head. work a bit harder. but my brain seems so exhausted after every paper. do well for the remaining last year. my only wish is hope that i am able to get into a university. i feel that i want to get quite badly. i dun noe why. may be i just dun want to start to work yet. i want to study.

2006-02-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

nice pic taken with bme ppl. quite hectic actually but i enjoyed a lot of laughter with them
finally taking a break after two consecutive papers. had aem exam today. if i am able to get a cert for aem 2, i will like thank god. haha. i am shocked as someone say i look like i silm down and got abused by someone. haha. do i really look like i silm down. may be i should continue to have less rice and more veges and lean meat. 2 more papers and good bye to esa and FCS. yay.

first love

2006-02-22T11:12:00.000+08:00

many people say first love is the most unforgettable in most of people's lives especially to gers. may be women are emotional people. for my case, i am still unable to forget my first love but i try to move on with my life with those memories that i once had with him regardless of good and bad ones. people may think i am stupid to like someone who is no longer exist in this world. may be i want to be stupid to have feelings for that person. sometimes, when i saw them, i just supress my feelings for him in my heart. however, once someone mention abt him, i simply break down and cry. it is best not to ask that person who you like to forget abt his/her first love. you just have to live with it. try your best to gain your place in his/ her heart. may be wonders/miracles really works.

i just a news that i got 95 for BSPA final paper. the highest in place but still lose to wei jie's 100 marks for the common test. haha. i really don't care much. may be i can get top for BSPA. haha. in my dreams. sometimes, i think too much. haha. i am so sick of studying. it is like all memorising work and stuffs. haiz. 4 more papers seems like such a long time to finish them. i want to play and enjoy myself. but as what many people sae, no pain no gain. haha. i am gettting lame here. going to start studying DTLE soon. i hope that i can get like B for the final thing. just a B will do. haha.

thinking of whether i should go to langkawi with the BME ppl??? it is like 200 plus for 3 days 2 nites. they have snorkelling in the programme list. i do not know how to swim but it is like once in a lifetime experience. i am in such a dilemma. oh ya, todae is my brother's birthday. haha. i am awake and he is aslp. haha. he is hitting the big 30 which is usually the men's prime age. it really reminds me that i am getting 19 soon. like more than 2 weeks time. die la. i am an old person.

2006-02-19T19:09:00.000+08:00

after looking through the pics that i once took with edric,i felt that i wasso much happier then. had lots of fun with him. may be as wat many ppl say" once you lost that special someone, you will tend to feel like treasure theperson". however, once the person is lost, he/she will lost forever in yourlife. they seems like erased away from your life. is life really not going to bring someone who is very special to me? may be i have too high expectationson guys? should i go with a guy who is in love with me for like 6 years? maybe he is really that guy who i has always been waiting for. why am i going after an ideal guy while i have an average guy who likes me? may be i shouldgive up my ideal bf and be with an normal guy who is able to give me a life that i always hope for? stop thinking of guys. may be i should start concentrating on my work and tinking where should i go for my attachment? i finished watching my lovely samsoon. i pretty much dun like the ending. as samsoon did not get married with sanshi aka zhenxian as the zhenxian's mother still object their marriage so samsoon still thinks that they will break up sooner or later. but the ending is pretty sweet as they kissed on the staircases with a rearing between them. awwwww. but still full house still the best. haha. dun feel like studying but i must. haiz. taking a break after tmr's BSPA test. haha 25%. quite high weightage. i am thinking of forever when i am getting the past that i still holding so close to me. i think i am not really prepared to let got of edric when i should. may be it is time for me to think about my future when i am not letting him go.

awwww

2006-02-18T22:36:00.000+08:00

i am watching "My lovely samsoon". a lovely korean series showing me how two people from totally different worlds fall in love. a guy who is sentimental towards his first love and a ger will tend to get hurt from each relationship that she can not fall for a guy anymore. no one will believe that they ever fall in love together. one tends to give in and the other tends to take. is that really wat love is about? the guy in the series is so good looking. the ger is totally oppostie of every guy's ideal gf. the most romantic parts are that the guy keep smsing the guy saying why you dun reply me, you want me to die rite? and the guy walked up a mountain for the ger as he remembered wat he has promise her her to do with. i think this type of guy does not really exist in the world. it only exist in everyone's fantasies. may be he is somewhere beside me just that i did not notice abt him yet. haha. see how life goes. i got 89 for DTLE intermediate test. yay. haha. i finally see results of being hardworking. haha. i better start buck up a little more. i will miss all of my friends. when will my guy ever come to my life telling me that i am the one for you. haha. where are you? my heart really cried out for you. may be i have to supress my feelings of love in my heart to let my heart filled up with other priorities.

wat i want for my birthdae?????
hmmmm

joanne, lala, wan ting, pei fang, jie hui, christine, suaidah, si yin and sharon to spend my birthdae with.
have a nice blueberry cheesecake as my birthday cake
a pet
really find some one who i trulyfall deeply with
having a party that i really enjoy myself
lots of presents from people

i think my only wish after i retired is have a farm which able to keep a few kinds of animals. definitely have to have a horse. i love horses. that's my wish for like 8yrs. a farm with someone who i truly fall for and have a family with him there. relax and carefree. wat a life i always been awaiting for. i hope that it will not always remain just dreams for me. working hard towards that goal in my life.

haiz

2006-02-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

why all the guys who like me trying to tie me down? i want freedom and love that i deserved. i just want to do my things, trying to know that my friends are alrite and watch my favourite korean series. why they keep thinking that i am cheating him behind his back? am i like this in your heart? if i am like that, i rather you stop liking me. leave me alone. you simply don't trust me. i dun want a guy who love me too much or treat me like nothing. why can't i find a guy who likes me at a right amount. haiz. i want to be loved and love someone. argh. having attachment soon. i dun want to leave school like this. i am so worried of her. i dun want another person to be like that. i really hope that i can make her feel better. i really hope i am given the ability to do so. haiz. actually, everyone cares for you in school so please stop running away from us. hope everyone can pass BSPA with flying colours. haha

2006-02-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

did a hair mask todae. yay. my hair looks better now. no longer dry. watching a korean series, my lovely samsoon. i love that show.

MY BIRTHDAY WISHLIST:

i want to lose weight (gain back my 25" waist)
my lovely samsoon DVD/VCD
sunglasses
get into IBN
see everyone who i know to be happy as they used to be
able to find the one for me
learn how to play a musical instrument
have long hair

wow. i did not know that i want so many things. haha. but haiz. dun feel like celebrating my birthday. can you imagine that you celebrating your cousin's birthdae and it is not celebrating together? how weird it is. i think i will cry if i go there. i feel that my bro knows how i feel sometimes as he was like don't go to the party and we celebrate your birthday together on that day. i was happy at that point of time. my mom was like may be not going as she think my birthday is more important than going there. may be celebrating my birthday at a club on my 21st birthday. haha. it must be something huge. haha. looking forward to that moment. invite all of my friends who are close to me. haha. hopefully attached at that point of time.

i read someone's blog. how wonderful if the guy who you are with or married to, remember every small details of the relationship. knowing this fact, it simply able to make me cry like a baby. will anyone really sincerely accept my beauty and overlook my flaws. i am still struggling to believe that true love don't exist anymore after a few very bad experiences. guys have their ugly side. thinking of doing rock climbing and hiking after i graduated from np. may be try sky diving. haha. later i die of heart attack. hmmm. i will be a good ger this year, will angel be my guardian??

2006-02-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner.
For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience.

You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.
Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you.

Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Are The Star

You represent the ultimate in truth and purity.
Insightful and illuminating, you provide guidance for others.
You also demonstrate unselfish, unconditional love.
You posses many spiritual gifts, including the ability to heal.

Your fortune:

Your future is looking brighter by the day.
The near future will be a time of both hope and healing.
Luck is about to come your way, perhaps the best luck you have ever seen.
Life is about to get a lot easier and much better!

What Tarot Card Are You?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Busy

While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses...
... You don't give men enough of your time.
As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

You Are a White Rose

You represent youthfulness and purity.

Your vibe: Sweet and heavenly

Falling in love with you: is like falling in love for the first time

What Color Rose Are You?

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

This may be hard for you to swallow, but you and your guy might not last
At least not forever. He's somewhere between Mr. Right... and Mr. Right Now
No doubt your guy is a great catch - and generally good to you
The odds are, however, that someone better is out there!

How Long Will Your Relationship Last?

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows
You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

What Type of Beauty Are You?

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing
That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back
You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys
But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What Do Guys Like About You?

You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block

While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's...
You get the most dates of any girl you know
It's your whole five star package that attracts men -
Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

Are You Attractive?

2006-02-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

today is like i am so anxious as i have ibn interview. did not expect to what type of questions that the interviewer will ask. haiz. i spend quite long interview but i felt that my answers are like wat the interviewer wants to listen. not being honest har? i think wei jie feel quite bad as he told the truth to the interviewer so i feel that may be she thinks he is real and honest. i hope that he will get in. i will upload the pics on wed as i only get the pics on mondae and having tests on mondae and tuesdae. i hope that i am able to get into the ibn and everyone will able to go together. then have lunch together. haha. it is like so much fun then a person working there. haha.

hmmm

2006-02-07T09:23:00.000+08:00

having tests like next week: aem and BRE ( aka the killer subject) . my eyes are pretty much swollen still. cried last nite for a while. i just found out that my brother needs me to be strong in order to take care of my mom. i think i am unable to do so as i am too emotionally unstable right at this moment. i tend to get emotional easily. having projects due on next wednesday. die. i want to watch i not stupid 2. haha. *brain Freezing* *stoning* * Sleeping soon*. lacking of sleep lately. dun know why. better sleep early tonight.

Hungry! Hungry! i need to eat food. pls feed me. donate food to michelle's charity box. i having ibn interview on fridae. pretty much nervous. i onli know the 6 sectors and the executive director's name which is professor jackie yi ru ying. have to remember this name. 15 minutes interview. i am so nervous. i am afraid that i see ms adeline goh, my heart simply stop because of nerve breakdown.

thinking of the endless time that i have wasted

2006-02-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

i cried again. is it possible that i am suffering from depression? hmmm. i am unable to take it after telling my mom things that are not true about my past relationship with my first love. saying things like it is my fault that we end up broken hearts and i am not a good gf to him. things that i sae to make him seems so superior and make me feel like i am nothing than a ger who unable to speak up for her rights? am i such a ger? making me repeatedly thinking of the wonderful and bad things abt my first love. i always wanted to believe that it was the most wonderful thing happened to me. i really want to think that way. why do i have to make it sound like a extremely bad one and putting myself down to make her recover from her depression? it really affect me a lot. sometimes i will be like so stress up that i turn to panadols to relieve my stress and headache that i always have lately. will i be addictive to them? things are always against me. think may be i want to stay with my friends for valentine day as i dun want to get involved with guys. simply afraid that my mom will suffer depression again if i break up with next guy who my mom likes a lot.

hmmm

2006-02-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

today, i am pretty tired. thanks, guys ( jo, su, wan ting) for your help. i think without you guys, i will be clueless. it looks better now. thankfully, i still have the receipts. hope that we can claim back the lost of our stuffs twice in a roll. argh. it pretty much seems like pure sabotage. todae my mom went to the clinic and guess wat. my mom has mild depression. as wat i expected. hmm. just have to be understanding to her. tell her everything i know abt my ex to make her feel better. it is like trying to make me face the fact that i no longer with my ex and things can not be the same anymore. i just hope that i can be happier in life.

hmm

2006-02-01T14:16:00.000+08:00

i think i have passed my lab test. at least i am able to get a higher gpa. i feel that i have been neglected by friends at times. may be i am not a nice ger to be friend with hmmm. it is alrite. at least i am trying my best to do well in my studies. main priority above all. friendship and relationship between gers and guys may not last. at least i know that i still have family with me. trying to make myself busy. or making new friends from the uni. may be i can be a loner. me, myself and i in my own world. a year without friends is pretty alrite i suppose. be alone for that period it is alrite. try to isolate in a world. have my own time with myself. may be i cried becos i felt lonely as no friend is there for me and parents are too busy for me. i still can not believe that i attempted to commit suicide since at a tender age of 10. you guys must be thinking that a ger at such a young age will think about death and suicide? may be she is sick of her life? being hit by belts, hangers and rulers by parents since young. a hidden shadow in me. no really bother about it anymore. the most important is that you have yourself.

feel like crying

2006-01-29T19:17:00.000+08:00

Today supposed to be a happy festive event. i feel like crying out of a sudden but i can't cry. i am not suppose to cry todae. my life seems so mixed up now. felt so alone now. why am i feeling this? dun feel like eating anything. the feelings just come so suddenly. i got almost all of the things that i can use money to buy but why feelings and emotions just keep making me crying? my parents seems so happy but why can't i have that smile on my face? am i destined to be a lonely soul that roams around the world without anyone noticing me? the thing that happens now seems to be like history repeated itself. i am not sure my studies will make me go happy? trying to make myself busy by helping out in the open house. do anyone really want me ? the reason that they want me is it solely because they need a companion? will i be that special someone in someone's heart? lotsa of things flashing in my mind. lots of past moments with the guys who i truly like. that must be something about me that prevent them from liking me back? am i just fat or ugly? why love is so hard to find or i am just plain choosy? for now, i know i have friends with me but when i need them, they may not be here for me as they have their own problem. may be i should isolate myself in a box? a box no one can find. i will try my best to earn lotsa of money to fill up the emptiness i felt for feelings and emotions. i did not know i love him so much until the day he left me. why ppl tend to regret when that special someone left you? is regret a essential thing that exist in people's lives? will the feelings of love come back to me sooner or later? i really don't know.

feeling shitty

2006-01-28T11:27:00.000+08:00

today started off quite bad. i did not not break up with someone is so difficult. i am crying after i met up with him at holland V. why am i crying if i don't love him at all? why my heart sank at the moment i saw him? may be i do love him in my heart just that i did not know as my love for edric is pretty much filled my heart. feel regretted of initalising the break up with him. how i wish that i could hug him but i know that i am not ready for a relationship. like wat he say, wat is done has already taken place. moving forward to see my future. the phase of moving forward dun seems to be in my heart. i am unable to. i did not know loving someone who will not be mine is so difficult. i doubt that i will be happy for tmr. my heart seems to be breaking. surprisingly, it does hurt pretty much that makes me cry. thinking of being alone for the valentine day even though ppl will ask me out on that day. not in the mood for any festivals. why should ppl hate the world even themselves? is it mainly becos that they regretted of the things that they have done?

i don't want to regret anything in my studies as i want to be a successive career woman which not many guys will like their gers to be superior than them. i know it thanks to my ex. life is not always going smoothly. i just hope that things will turn out well for those who i know that they hate the world for regrets.

life is like shitty

2006-01-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

a festive event coming but i still unable to feel the happiness for the occasion. things still did not turn out well with my parents. they are like in "cold" war. children are always the people who get hurt badly if anything bad happens to their marriage. seeing him makes me feel that how a person change due to some unknown reasons. a guy ,who used to tok so much in class and laugh at the lamest joke at times, changes to a quiet and did not like to talk much about anything and moody at times. her too. she is quiet and tired easily as i am able to see that she is lacking of sleep in class. why do people always have to be strong in front of strangers or friends? just because they do not want them to worry or tok to them about wat happened recently? how i wish i am able to get rid of their burden and worries. him really reminds of my ex a bit as he too always think that he never get things done right. i believe no one is able to do so as imperfection is always been our partner since the day we are born. i cried today after i reached home. it is because of the things around me and i thought of my ex for a while. things changed so much less than a year. i am unable to take the change (can't seem to take it anymore). when i heard kim sae may be die will feel a lot better, i was so hurt as i can't believe that him really feels that dying is a release from the pain. i feel that he is running away from his problem. i just hope that he is able to face it strongly even though it hurts so much. i hope that he knows that we are always there for him. life is all about puzzles. when you are unable to solve it, better take your time and help from your loved ones to finish the puzzles. i just hope that god will put them under his wings to shower his love to them.

are you the one?

2006-01-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

my dad is back after 5 days... it is a good thing i suppose. thanks for you guys' concern. i am feeling better. just got my DTLE test. it is pretty alrite. almost know how to do all of the questions. i hope that i can pass at least. it is pretty much a tired day for me. still have to plan the time schedule for the booth later. i still dun know wat time does the booth starts. thinking of helping lala to sell away the french club t-shirts. haha. like saying you have to wear the french t-shirt in order to help out in the booth. i onli can help out for two days as next sat got excursion to the little india. pretty tired. may be start doing my assignment tmr? have to return a lot of things to people as it is not good thing to owe people things during lunar new year. i miss my sweet joanne and gers in my class. do guys only care about their body more than studies? hmmm. everyone in class seems to be depression due to some reasons. i hope that i can make them cheer up. feeling helpless when i can not do anything for them. may be time will heal them? hmmmm.

sad life

2006-01-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

things did not turn out well for yesterdae. my father just packed his stuffs and leave the house. there is no trace that reminds me of his existence. i have to be independent. did not expect that my parents are about to go their different ways. i really dun want that to happen. i am unable to perform my best for maths test as i was quite bothered with the idea of having my mom with me only. i dun feel like talking the moment i reach home. i may look happy when i with my friends as i dun want them to worry for me and break down. i feel that this sentence is so true. what is the longest distance in this world? It is when two people who are right in front of each other but unable to let the other person know that he loves her. it really hurts when the person you like is so near yet so far. love is something that i dun want to think about as it is too painful or i do not know wat to do. i just hope that i am able to find my one true love soon as i really dun want to waste my time waiting anymore.

thinking of impossible

2006-01-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

thinking of the moments that i once spent with you

each bit of it reminds me of the way you smile

the way you put your lips next to mine

the way you hold me like no one did

things tat you did to try to grab my attention

unable to forget each moment

saw you with her lately

you have tat big smile on your face

a smile tat you will never had with me

each time i saw you with her

each time my heart breaks

why am i doing this to torment myself?

why can't my heart listen to me?

we have ended for so long

i am happy tat you have her by your side

however, i still miss the little boy in you

the guy who treated me so well

i am so sorry tat i took you for granted

when i cried, can you still be there for me?

when i need someone, can you just be there as a friend?

i will always hold you close to my heart

i still cry for you

do you know about it?

do you know tat i am really suffering?

you make me lost the feeling of trust

trust tat is the most important element in relationship

i am unable to have tat smile anymore

you took it and everything else since the day you left me

the day you left me to suffer

i thought of forever when i know it will be temporarily

i thought of everlasting love when i know it is puppy love

everytime i cried,

the feeling of longing for you become greater

i'm so sorry,

i can't forget about you while i know you forgotten of me long ago

i really want you and only you

will you come back to my shivering arms

arms tat can't bear to let go of you.

i just hope for something so impossible

i hope it will be possible in the future

2006-01-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

this is a pic of me nothing to do. it is taken like a week before my common test. i am not using my hp to take the pic. haha. but it looks quite funny and i dunno why. haha. still have not read thru on my lab test tmr. haha. i think i am going to read thru tmr after having my lunch. haha. did not do much todae even though it is like a holidae. haha. i look so radiant. haha. i am crazy now. my cousin is abt to tie the knot with his gf of 3 yrs relationship. i am so happy. after a few turns, it is my turn of getting married. man, i have not decided on getting married before 26. haha. i still want to enjoy life before tying the knot with the rite person. haha. loving each day of my life. i think too far ahead. stay focus. tmr will be my dear friend, firdaus, having a ece superstar. hope tat he wins as he really good in singing. envious of his courage and the talent tat is given to him. have to slp soon. tired and still do not know whether i should bring my lappy for searching information in school for my bre report aka project. better start doing and stop slacking.

2006-01-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

暧昧
暧昧让人受尽委屈

找不到相爱的证据何时该前进何时该放弃

连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心

直到等待失去意义

无奈我和你写不出结局

放遗憾的美丽

暧昧让人变得贪心

直到等待失去意义

不能用恨你却不住结局

放遗憾的美丽

停在这里

暧昧让人受尽委屈

找不到相爱的证据

何时该前进何时该放弃

连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里

毕竟有些事不可以

过了友情还不到爱情

远方就要下雨的风景到底该不该哭泣

想太多是我还想你

我很不服气

也开始怀疑

眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈

找不到相爱的证据

何时该前进何时该放弃

连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心

直到等待失去意义

无奈我和你写不出结局

放遗憾的美丽

停在这里

暧昧让人受尽委屈

找不到相爱的证据

何时该前进何时该放弃

连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心

直到等待失去意义

无奈我和你写不出结局

放遗憾的美丽

停在这里

到底该不该哭泣

想太多是我还想你

我很不服气

也开始怀疑

眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈

找不到相爱的证据

何时该前进何时该放弃

连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心

直到等待失去意义

无奈我和你写不出结局

放遗憾的美丽

停在这里

getting back grades

2006-01-09T12:46:00.000+08:00

just got back most of my papers. seems like my average is abt 67 marks. haiz this is my grades

BSPA : 86

DTLE : 74

BRE : 50

ESA : 74

my grades are like so shitty. haha. happy tat i pass most of them. did not get wat i really expected but i just have to work twice much harder for examinations. haven't started on my project on BRE. Decide to go to national library to search information on the topic. better start my gear running. tmr is a holidae. yay. finally able to rest from school but not sure. may be staying at home to do nothing or going out with friends. i just found out tat everydae is like ending at 7pm. by the time i reach home, i will be like so slpy and tired. no time to do any self studying. may be have to sacrifice my weekends in studying. going to have no life soon. getting headache for 3 daes. dun know why. may be becos of the stress tat i got for Common Tests (CT) . been toking to some of my friends. i just found out tat many of them are meeting their own problems. i just hope tat i can help them to solve their problems but they will want to be alone sometimes. may be time will heal them or they start to pick themselves up. i just found out tat i have a lab test on next mondae. it is programming on lab 4 and lab 5 . it is individual work. die die. confirm fail one lor. better start studying lor.

tired and restless

2006-01-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

i am so tired after a stressful 5 days of Common tests. yet i still have to do my project. two weeks for me to do it so i think it is pretty alrite. pretty last minute though. better start doing on monday. have to plan for the tasks for us to do. after tat, the week after , we have to do the presentation for a few days before compiling all of the slides on fridae. better get my gear start. the last project to be done. yay. after tat, it is really free from presentation and work. i have to buck up already. i am confident tat i have failed bre. the toughest paper i have done so far in my entire life. it is like more difficult than those prelim papers from the top few secondary schools in singapore. had no clue of wat the questions totally toking abt. man. think tat i just exaggrated too much. cutting my hair on wed after my IS lesson. haha. afraid tat i will look bad. but will not be as bad as when i was in sec sch with tat short hair. terrible. haha. resting for todae before starting my gear for a rest of the semester.

2006-01-05T19:57:00.000+08:00

taking sneaky pic of me in a fitting room. nothing to do while waiting for someone to end his work or choir practice.

at the villa francis, an old folk's home. Leo club president, bing hong and our sweet cliff "mei mei" taking a pic outside a life. both of them look so sweet together.

threesome birthday celebration. oops. naughty me of saying tat. wei jie must be so happy to be standing next to "someone". thankfully, he dun read my blog or else he will be like killing me.

one of my favourite cartoon character from looney tunes. lola bunny. cutie baby pic of it.

another pic of bing hong. see how small his eyes are?? hmmm. almost going to be like two lines. -_- (is it similar?). Then our responsible secretary, susu. haha. wonderful ger. haha.

my papers are going to end soon. i am so happy. tmr last paper. after tat, i will be having lotsa of fun shopping for my new year clothings then getting red packets from a lot of ppl. having lotsa of money in this year. i hope so as some of my cousins are already married. haha.

christmas

2005-12-26T14:15:00.000+08:00

this year, i have the most special christmas as both ppl gave me a surprise in watching narnia even though i watch it twice. haha. got tricked by stella and wm. bish.

On Sat, hmmm. had my first christmas countdown. i can only simply sae it is really havoc and everyone is like ants as there is a lot of ppl and you may find a couple of elderly there. haha. shocking but true. you can see how racism is applicable in the countdown because as long as you see a group of indians, they are got most of the foams and they only attack on gers. may be that's the reason why they got most of the foam. haha. this nite is my first time of staying up so late. it is so weird that my parents actualy allow me to stay up so late without asking any question. Received the most beautiful gift from him. thanks a lot. i really like it a lot. ate a lot on that day. ate always every 4 hrs.

On sunday, went out with wei zhong. enjoy the day with him. he bought me my favourite flower which is the sunflower. thanks thanks. love it a lot. ate like a pig too. haha. he saw the ugly side of me. haha. the day passed by simply fast.

have to study hard for my tests. haha. just wasted a week in playing. hmmm. i think i have to make my decision fast and true to my heart as i dun want to waste any time as i know how it feels to wait for someone's answer. i think i will give all of them an answer end of this year once it strike midnite which means a new year of 2006 and a year of me not being single . haha.

he is mine

2005-12-10T00:52:00.000+08:00

the blur him. hoping that he is the right one for me. thinking of past that haunts me still even now. thinking that there is nothing impossible for me to do when i am with this guy<-. happy that i have found him and the confidence i once had in him. i have made my final decision and that person who i want to be with and seek shelter from. haha. *muacks*

nice things do happen sometimes

2005-12-04T13:54:00.000+08:00

finally able to blog after quite some time. been really busy with my school work so it is like i have to do tons and tons of projects and the deadline is next wed. shitty man. i bet everyone who came across my friendster acc and wonder who wrote that testimonial. hmmmm. all kpo. haha. they even know who i went out with lately. haha. it is realie nice to go out with someone who you just have so much things to tok with. it has been a long time since i had so much things to tok to a guy who i like. i feel that he feels quite honoured in a sense. haha. should i give him and i a chance to be together? or may be i have lose faith in guys after a heart breaking relationship?? i simply dun know why. hmmm. may be i will have to take my first risk after 8 months of being single to this relationship. hehe. so you know whether i am giving you a chance. haha.

LIfE iS 2 sHoRt 4 Me

Thinking of past, now and future

SimPLy Me

5 months and 10 days...... A lifetime to go

6 more Days and 20 hrs

VisitinG EaCh OtheR's HouSe

WenT tO Wei Jie's HoUSe

LoVinG yoU To ThE VeRy EnD

FeeLinGs BeFoRe KoRea TRiP

FeeLinGs AFteR GRaDuaTiOn

FeELiNGs BeFoRe GRaDuATiOn CeReMoNy

My aLL THe FavOuRiTe DiSh

i do

天使

TiRed

HappY HappY

*ShoCkinG ShOcKiNG*

TiRed TiRed

TiRed TiRed PaRt 2

Yummy Yummy

Expecting today to end faster

TiRed TiRed

ALL oVeR aGain

A Big FaiLuRe FoR ToDay

I Loving this bracelet

yummY

tired

Second day at work

MOS

mIchelle

fun day

missing fyp

feeling bored

tired

finally

i like matt

stupid shin

finally over

everything is sucky

peakdetector

not again

things will not the be the same again

deepavali celebration

Celebration of the party YAY!!!!!

the future

i want to do well

haiz

being forgotten

mictheone

missing

2323

mi

haiz

tired every night

en en and doreen's birthday

hot

haiz

what should i do?

feeling miserable

tired and restless towards my life

tired and restless towards my life

finally have time to blog again

Finally blog

tired and miserable

went to sentosa

should i?

tummyache

birthdae celebration

hiaiai

wat a F dae

thanks ger

michelee

first love

awwww

haiz

hmmm

thinking of the endless time that i have wasted

hmmm

hmm

feel like crying

ShoCkinG ShOcKiNG