[---~*My Perfect Love*~---]

Monday, October 25, 2004

{*talent time 2004*}

todae i went to watch talent time with en en, wen xu, kc, des and salleh at qtss. the talent time was slightly worse than last year but envious this year's sec 4s as they are able to watch it lor. i heard from my friend that christopher lee is going back to qtss to perform. haha. dun noe how the students going to react when seeing him. haha. went to play pool and bowl with them after that. i dun noe. i realie dun noe. my mom seems to onli care abt whether edric sms mi or call mi whenever she just calls mi. she will ask these first. i realie dun noe whether i am important or him to her. seriously whose mother will ask that to your daughter. if i told her that he did not call or sms mi, she will think that he is cheating on mi. she keeps doubting him for no good reasons. i'm just sick of my mom keep asking questions abt my relationship. i feel that she is like invading my private life. i noe i owe her a lot of things but that does not mean that she is able to invade my personal life.i think my mom will cry more than mi if i tell her that i am going to break with him one dae (that dae will never comes). i feel like my mom is more in love with my bf than i am in love with him. i have to tell her why my bf did not call mi , did not do this and that and etc. i have to give her reasons. i realie sick of lying to her that why he can not call or etc. when i ask edric why can't you call, he sae" why you always do this to mi?", i feel depressed as i realie dun noe wat to deal with the problem. i wanted to cry but my bro just dun let mi cry as he sae that i should not cry whenever i am sad. i feel so terrible if i dun cry. the feeling is just that i can realie do wat i want to do in my life. everyone try to noe things abt the relationship and ppl telling mi not to do this when i want to do the most. i am realie in such a dilemma now. i think i am going to be crazy one dae. even my dad dun think that i will get 90 over for my exams and his minimum expectation is A for every subject which is 80 and above. even the onli guy i love who i noe he loves mi a lot also sae that why i always do stuffs to hurt him. if i did, i am realie sorrie as i am depressed nowadays. no one is there for mi to cry one. whenever i am sad, i will just look at the sky and asking god why i feel like this, why. whenever i sad, i just feel like killing myself which i noe it is stupid to think that as ed always sae that. but life is all abt dying and reborn. whenever my mom's cry, my bro always think it is my fault. my mom's tears are always for my bro. she has not even cry a single tear for mi. she always care whether my bro will be at home or not. she always think of him. sometimes i realie doubt whether i am her child. i feel like i am just like a dying person now. emotion of sadness is always in mi. i always give a happy face and act strong whenever i am with anyon. however, when i reach home, i will just cry my heart out and thinking whether my life has a meaning for mi to noe. a meaning that is so hard for mi to find out and i searching until i just feel like giving up in trying anymore.

*Kissed My Love* @ | 11:05 PM