i get so tired easily lately. However, i suddenly remember the first gift that i bought for my first love which says cold, tired and miserable at the front and pain is temporary but pride is forever. that shirt gave me a lot of memories. it was one of his fave shirts at that time. i still keep the stuffs that he got for me. is he doing the same or threw everything away as he has a new ger by his side?? no matter what i will keep his stuffs in boxes for the memories. miss the pure and simple love that i once had. may be i haven't let go entirely everything about him. a small part of him still belongs to him no matter how long i live. it is easy to like someone but it is not easy to forget someone who you once love so much. i am not sure how long i am going to take but i know i will slowly move out of the shadows of my past. i remember those poems that i wrote for him and a lot of break up letters that i had and did not dare to gave them to him at tat time. i know he has forgotten the 4 yrs of relationship but i still can't forget abt it as it is like the 4 best years of life being with someone who i can share almost everything with. i just hope that i am able to do that with my next guy. anyway, need to slp or else tmr no strength to hear my supervisors' speeches. haha.
todae was fun even though i am out with 3 of my classmates instead of 9 of them. it was great. had a lot of fun writting names and stuffs. freesbe is great. haha. i better do more exercise to make myself feel healthy. getting tired after 30 minutes of freesbe. better start to join jogging with stella and joanne. haha. i want to make my body healthy. may be date them for jogging every tuesdae. haha. love them and miss them. i want to lose weight and be healthy. haha.
life is so fun in my iap. had lotsa of laughters with my colleague, Lee Chong. he is like a brother to me. you thinK i should ask Him wat he thinks about me before telling him that i like him? it is like so weird to even ask him that question. haha. i think he haven't notice my existence or may be i am nothing in his eyes. haiz. life is bitter for this.
today is my first day in Alexandra Hospital. had a bit of fun but my attire was wrong. i have to wear office wear. diao. make me look so old. todae seems like such a bad day for me. vomit a lot in the morning. i still can remember that puke hydrochloric acid. worse start of the day. pretty tired. had a lot of fun todae even though did not do much. i start to like know a lot of stuffs. haha. i want my brain to be a sponge to absorb everything. miss the bme gers. miss them to bits. it is alrite. i will meet them on sunday. haha. i got a lot of things to tell them. haha. hmmm. hope that tmr i will learn more stuffs. haha. all of them are so nice so far. haha. i hope that i will enjoy my attachment there.
yesterday was my "BiG DaY" which is my 19th birthday. i heard from my mom that my cousin's bf's family came to the celebration which is a good sign. she is getting married soon i think. haha. happy for her to find the one. but the weird part is my relatives did not take pics with my cousin. i am like unable to go as my bro sae why go there when you are not celebrating your birthday there. went out with my friend in the afternoon and met up with my sec sch friends at night. quite busy for the whole day. haha. you want to know more of what i really did. you can ask me. haha. do not want to disclose it in the blog as i am afraid that lecturers may read it. haha. always bumping to the wrong guys and i so happened to buy a magazine how not to bump to the wrong type of guys and temporarily relationship. there are 5 type of problem match. actually it is about giving more than taking. relationship is all abt giving and cooperation from each other. trust is the most important and above all the qualities that you hope for in a guy. anyway, i am starting my job tmr. haiz. hope to have a good time there. 5 months. it will pass like a blink of an eye. Problem match #1 : the person start to criticise almost everything about you. he trying t0 be strong and start to dispise your weakness and magnify it to be such a big thing. he will get sick of you and find another ger as he fears he could be adequate. Problem match #2 : one of them start to be a control freak or more dominant than the other party. Problem match #3 : hoping to change the other party in terms of asking him not to stop being addicted to alcoholic drink. when she is unable to change him, she will leave him to prevent himself from feeling frustrated and depressed. Problem match #4 : each of them wants the other to accept them but they have the same type of needs. the relationship is fraught with terrible jealousy, severe dependency and lots of "gimme gimme" characteristics. they will end up breaking up as both of them are too needy and unable to satisfy the other's needs. Problem match #5 : having a demanding relationship. this is the most dysfunctional relationship as one party will be dependable but dull while the other be more sociable, effervescent and people's person. the more he doesn't give him a response, the more it drive him crazy and the more it is going to drive him back to his shell. ways of preventing to have a dysfunctional relationship : make a list of traits that you like your ideal partner to possesswrite down the type of relationship you wish to have and believe that you deserve this type of relationshipidentify the sort of dysfunctional relationship you keep finding yourself in with a new guy. for example, they are more emotionally distant.how and why you always end up with the same type of guys? identify aspects of your behaviour, habits and/or personality you'd like to change.work on addressing any self-esteem or emotional issues you might have. only then you can break away from this type of relationsip pattern once and for all.
lalalalalalalala......................lalalalalalalalala......................................lalalalalalalala...................................... trying to sing song in my room. muah haha. i just found out that the average in the class for esa is like B after moderation. haiz. MR cHua said that the standard is around the same as our seniors and congrats to shin han for getting highest in esa which is the toughest module. smarty guy. Envious Envious. today, my bro told me something. he goes like this " there is no ugly gers but there are lazy gers" and i belong to the lazy gers as i dun know to take care of myself and try to make myself beautiful. however, i may not be the pretty thing but i am a strong and trying to give my 100 % in whatever i do. IndePenDent ger i want to be!!!! i think i have to cut my hair soon but first i have to wait for the store to finish their renovation first. haha. my fringe is like so irritating. i just found out that i have to do a medical protocol which i have no idea wat it is. i think i am going to fail for my attachment. i have to know how to use matlab as well. die la. die la. tmr is stella's big Day. haha. i hope she will be having fun tmr. haha.
my birthday has no meaning anymore. i no longer have the will and find the meaning of celebrating. my parents will be doing majong or horse racing and bro will be busy with his stuffs. everyone seems to be so busy. sec sch friends seems like slamming their doors on my face. my cousin is celebrating her birthdae on my actual birthday and i can not celebrate with her as my aunt seems to don't give a damn abt my birthday. no one seems to care abt the day of my birth which is so significant to me. crying so much lately. i think i just sleep the whole day. i amem so weak. emotional ride is back again. cry cry cry. that's wat i have been for the past two daes of my holidae. i am so weak. may be that's why i look weak. i am not independent and strong. i dun know why i have that impression from people. i am just a ger sitting near a corner shouting for help. however, no one is able to hear that cry. that cry will be the last cry from Me as i will disappear or vanish from people's lives. i always seems like i do not have any importance in people's lives. they just walk in and out of my life like nothing happens. i am sick of this way of living. my family ask me to go genting but i think i will say no as i want to do my attachment and i want to be alone from everyone. i am always alone. i have myself to help me out. i have myself to stand by me. i have myself to comfort for. no matter wat, i always have myself.
having my last paper todae. i dun know why it must be esa. hmmmm. i dun care liao. can pass i am so grateful. went to east coast parkway to cycle with the BME gers. i really enjoy it todae. push each other in the pool. it has been a long time since i last enjoy myself. when i was in the ecp, lots of memories from the past flashing back my mind. while cycling, i am still able to remember the small little details. memories are such wonderful stuffs. i had my first birthdae celebration and present todae from the gers. thanks for the watch. i really appreciate it a lot. still i have to figure out how to read the watch. haha. it is unique yet special. thanks. muacks
{*She Loves*}
Chicken Pasta from New York New York
Dim Sum (Ha Kua and Fu Pi Juan)
Sun tan with friends
my darling
my friends
Travelling around the world
{*She Hates*}
people who backstab me
people who blame me for nothing
People who thinks that they are always right
{*Sweeties*}
gwen;
wen xu;
keshia;
sing yen;
sing wei;
shawn ang;
jiaxin;
wei ye;
siao ying;
Jee Cheng;
Adelynn;
Kong Chian;
kai ying;
liang wei;
Shi Qi;
fabian;
Irene;
lay yuen;
yu yin;
Pei Ying;
Salleh;
Marie;
kaiting;
Benedict;
kristie;
desmond;
yi hui;
alex;
Brenda;
Janice;
Joanne;
Kim Guan aka Guan Guan;
Sharon;
Loh hu;
Si Yin