a lot of ppl told me that first love is the most unforgettable one in everyone's lives. for me, first love is like everything to do at a certain moment. whenever i think of the moments how he courted me for 6 months. the memories are always so beautiful even now to me. the moments are all i left from him. loving the moments that once i held so close to my heart no matter wat. even though it was a 4 yrs relationship, i choose to remember the moments of the relationship and learn to move on with the memories. i had done that. i am not an optimistic ger. it is just that i choose to move on and thinking that once it is gone, it is totally out of your reach. even he wants to get together again, the feelings are no longer the same as he hurts me again and i am not sure when he will hurts me again the next time. i will not regret again in my life as there is no point of regretting when things are already in the past. i have learnt how to look towards in the future. every small little things happen to my life will make my life very happy. haha. i think i will no longer run away from my problems anymore. i should face every single one of them instead of running away and hide from them. i have to learnt to be strong no matter wat.
went to school to revise my maths as i will be having test on tues. studying with en en for like 2 hours. after that, we went to shop for clothes. haha. i did not buy anything as nothing catch my attention. hmmm. may be i should get the big earrings. haha. i love big dangling earrings. have to stay at home tomorrow to complete my pp2 report as the deadline is like this coming mondae. so stress. haha. i am still not sure wat is the skeleton of my project. going to type crap again. haha. had tiramisu at coffee beans. the bittersweet of the tiramisu is so wonderful as the feeling of eating feels like i am in love. haha. i have to stop slacking no matter wat. have to concentrate in class. haha. i realie want to feel love all over again but i noe i have to let nature takes its course. haha. i will put the past behind me and welcoming the future. i am so prepared for anything that comes to me. i am stronger now. haha. this coming mondae got tp practical test and tues aem test. stress stress.
feeling afraid of my grades as i afraid that i did not do well enuff for my tests. worrying this and worrying that. life is all about worrying everything. after so many months, thinking that life will be good for me. the feelings that i had in my heart all along is like shutting away from me. i dun want to face the feelings that i had as i am afraid of being hurt. i know that i will be numb one dae as i am not willing to face the real feelings that i have. not able to tell a person that how much i will like him. i no longer have the courage to tell a guy that i like him anymore as the courage that i once have is like fading soon. i will be a ger who is waiting for life to bring someone who deserve me for everything and i am everything to him. i can not afford to be hurt again.
just got back two papers which are MI and programming. i am happy with my programming as i got something that is more than i expected but for the MI, i got C which i hope for a B. i still happy that at least i did not fail for it. haha. hate re-tests. my new hairstyle seems alrite to me but got some ppl laugh at my new look. i dun want to mention those ppl who laugh at me lor as he is sitting behind me now.haha. stupid guy. laughed at me for nothing......KNS....... may be i laugh at them too much already. later have to buy a birthdae cake for my mom as todae it is her birthdae. a birthdae surprise for her. haha. going to go clementi to buy the cake. hope it is not sold out yet. haha. i hope that my mom will love the cake lor. haha. i love birthdaes and celebrate them as i think birthdae is like a very special day of your life. it is like not onli will make you older and also will tell you that you are having a lot of things in life that matters a lot to you.
so far, my MI and CMB tests are so over. haha. done with them but not awaiting to noe the results. haha. going to have tp test like in 6 hours later. tmr is the last paper. yes yes. haha. going to watch movie with lala on fridae and hanging out with en en and may be xue yi. going to have lots of fun with my girlfriends. haha. i officially in love with them. they are such wonderful gers. haha. in love with them as realie good friends. haha. i am not going to like anyone. haha. going to concentrate on my studies as i think it about it a lot. i think that i am still young now so this type of thing can wait but not my studies. going to be a bian tai person according to that evil but great shin. haha. i hope he dun read my blog. haha. or else he will kill me for this. how wonderful if you have found the one who will want to last forever with you no matter what? i just like to listen to those stories from my friends that their relationship is the first and end up marrying each other. it is like so wonderful that some ppl's love can be so strong while others are so fragile. i used to have this thought of lasting forever with him but as things started to become sour, my friends will like tell me that nothing is forever as everything has to come to an end when you died. i wrote a song about someone and the memories that i have with him. i am learning guitar now. haha. hoping that i can express myself and feelings through music one day.
going to do jogging soon. hoping that i will lose some weight and become healthier. haha. going to start revising again. haha. i will blog after my stupid common tests which is on fridae. haha.
blog for a while to prevent myself to feel nervous or stress. i will be having a deadly paper later which is medical instrumentation. it is like so difficult. a total killer paper. lots of things have changed between my ex and me. he has a drum set at home and guitars. i am like total stunned that he really bought a drum set. i think his room is like lacking of space. haha. life is still the same except lots of additional friends from the poly and thru "friendster" in a way. life is really very unpredictable sometimes as you will not know wat you will get next after receiving something so wonderful. when you have that wonderful thing so close to you, you will think that when this wonderful thing is going to slip thru your hand one day as the time will pass so quick that you dun noe when it will go away without a sound. the weather todae seems very fine as the cloudy are like fluffy looks like mashmellows to me or may be i am hungry so i thinking of foods. still waiting for my roti pratas to be delivered. hmmmmm. after todae's paper, i think i will relax myself a bit as the rest of the papers i am pretty ok with it. hope i can just pass this paper la even though my bro wants me to get more than just a pass. getting a new phone on sundae. yes yes. having the samsung phone. it is black in colour and kinda of cool. i need a phone that i am able to hear the person's voice instead of the background noise. miss the kong chian and his gang a lot. i dun noe why. still remember that in sec sch, they looked so cute as they were like so young. time really pass by really quickly as we are young adults and have greater responsibilities to be done. no longer the pure innocent people including me. it is like i remember the first year of my sec sch life. i was from a ger pri school. i did not know how to speak vulgar language at that time as we spoke english in my whole pri sch life. only started going out with friends in pri 5 after begging my parents that i should hanging out with my friends. how i miss the old daes with my friends who i have like lost contact with. loving each friend of mine as they are the people who make the person i am now. there are a few of you who i keep in my heart. you should know who you are. haha. may be i should consider to be a butch. haha. i have a sudden liking of baggy clothes. haha. just kidding of becoming a butch la. i am like so ai mei. haha as i am not pretty so have to ai mei lor to make myself from a ugly duckling to a swan. i hope i can achieve my goal in the near future.
went to be the station master for the leo club's fellowship dae. it is to welcome the new members. it is alrite but most ppl are quite enthu lor. i accidentally hit my head against something while picking up my stuffs. *ouch*. believing that i onli have a lifetime. to many ppl, they may think that a lifetime is very long. for me, i think that a lifetime is pretty short as look at myself now, i am 18 yrs old. the things that i did like when i was in pri school were seems like yesterdae to me la. i am like willing to give up everything for you but why are you so scared to accept it? i dun want to regret abt anything in my life especially you. may be our timing is not right yet. anything in the future is like may be. how i wish i can turn back time sometimes but sadly no one can. i bet that everyone will have something in life that they will regret of not doing. they just dun admit their regrets and let life pass by them while thinking that it is alrite to regret abt something in life. i am always thinking of you. are you thinking of me for a moment? i wrote you a poem, will you read it? i realie wanted to give you. may be i will give you after the common tests.
quarrelled with ed last night due to my nick which saes "i keep thinking of someone who is not there and feels like care for him a lot". it is like wat is my nick is none of his business as he is the one who left me behind with broken promises and scars that will always in my heart. i have my own life now so it is like wat i like to type for my nick is nothing you can do about it. why whenever we tok as friends, you are the one who start to show attitude in the conversations? why can't we tok as friends who have not tok for a long time? is it so hard for you to do it? may be all it does is taking time for everything to heal completely. sometimes, it will never heal properly. tell you the truth la. my nick is not refering to you, edric. it is refering to this guy who i realie like now. he will be the guy who i will wait for him. i always think that he is the right guy who i have been waiting for. i have moved on with my life. so why can't you move on with your life and study for your so great A level examinations? i am a person who will never give up in trying but sometimes when it is time to give up, i will. for now, i will always like him for who he is.
MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shyand reserved.Sensative. Naturally honest, generous andsympathetic. Loves peace andserenity. Aggressive when provoked. Sensitive toothers. Loves to helpothers. Not easily angered. Trustworthy. Defendsothers. Appreciativeand returns kindness. Observant and assessesothers.Varied interests.Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling.Loves attention.Strongbelief system. Hasty in trusting others. Loveshome decors. Musicallytalented.Depends on friends. Loves special things.Moody and easilyhurt. A giving lover. Very loyal. Deep Thinker.Feels deeply. Aromantic. Loves to be loved. Thrifty. Loves downtime alone.
Is that realie me?? i think some of them is true though. haha. sent by a friend of mine. thinking of him todae like quite a lot. i dun noe why too. may be liking someone is like you will always think abt him. i believe that liking someone does not need a reason as it is all abt the feelings we have. the feelings i have is like so strong yet left unknown. may be time is able to tell me everything that i noe?? i believe that fate may brings the best person to me. it will pat me at my back telling that this is the right guy for me.
todae is tues but it feels like thurs. haiz. going to have lots of responsibilities for this semester or maybe the next semester. busy busy michelle with busy commitments. i am like having quite a number of commitments. haha. they are like studies, friends, family and etc. feeling sleepy like easy lately. tmr start studying on tp liao. as i dun noe many things on tp and mi. going to die for common tests. got suaned my mr teng as i did not do quite well for my quiz. haha. die la. when the exams come. i think i comfirm failed the aem la. haha. so stress sia this year. can not slack as much as i should to do in year 1. may be with lots of commitments so i am able to stop thinking of certain stuffs. if the person is yours, he will be yours no matter wat. if he isn't, no use of forcing as it will make both of you unhappy. haha. just learnt this logic from my good pals. haha. hanan, cheer up man. haha. i know how it feels as i had experienced it like for 1 or 2 months before i am able to stand up for myself and move on with my life. be happy. i find it so weird as when i was in the break up period, ppl told me the things at that time and i am using those sentences to tell others. weird. loving my life with my pals. haha. always have fun with them in class no matter where i am. haha. i will always know that they are there for me. lots of cca points coming my way. haha.
i dislike the first 2 daes of the week as i have to stay until 7 pm the latest. i will be all alone at the home. haha. i have the whole house by myself. haha. i read lala's post on sat. it is like i feel that she realie cares for me. i am so thankful for her. but i guess time will tell me wat to do and where i shall go. life is realie full of unpredictables. thinking of my past now. knowing that my past may seems wonderful to others as i had a rich bf who treated me well. the whole truth of the relationship is that he did treat me well but it is like he had someone else in his heart while he was with me. the 4 yrs relationship may means something to me but now, i still dun noe wat this relationship is leading me to. is it going to make me a better lover for my future bf or it is going to make me cherish the next guy more? i still dun noe as i dun noe when that dae ever comes. liking someone is like such a wonderful feeling as you noe how to like that person for who he is no matter wat ppl sae abt him to you.
lala, wen ling and i went to school studying together in the library for the whole afternoon. i did some work at least. did my tp etude and a bit of my excercise C. at least i noe a bit of my tp stuffs. aiming to get good grades. tmr going to study with lala again and going to do a bit of exercise C. lala is one of my best pals in my whole entire life. she is like always there for me no matter where and when i need her. the pain that she has to undergo is like something that no one can imagine. looking thru my friendster, see howppl change and become to the adult they want to be. wat is true love? i think true love is something that is unable to be defined at all. loving someone sometimes have to overlook her/his flaws and accept them as her/his strengths.
being in a relationship is like taking risks to gain a life time of happiness. i have so much things to tell you. too much things yet i do not dare to tell you face to face. i always think that i am unable to find guys who are better than you. no guys is as good as you. i realie realie likes you a lot. why can't you see it? you are the second guy who i like so deeply. i will continue liking you no matter wat.
i watched initial D last nite. it was like great but jay zhou acting skill is quite bad as the sad scene that he suppose to cry looked funny. i was like laughing when he cried. oops. edison is like so cute and cool. every scene of him is like so cool that makes me feel like i want to see him in person. haha. only pei fang can see him in person ba as she is his "wife". haha. i got my ans from you last nite. An ans that i dun really expected. the things you do contradicts wat you told me last nite. i realie likes you a lot even the blind can tell it so. i know that we are not suitable for each other. remember wat i told you before? i will like you until you have a new gf. after knowing the answers to my many doubts, i know that you believe in fate. i am upset abt it though. i will be strong again quickly as i did for the break up of my first relationship. i am able to move on after 2 months before i started liking you. i like you after the break up with my ex. the feelings for you accumulating in my heart every single day that i see you in school. hoping that there is still hope for us. if you are still not really sure with your answer, why dun you think abt it for a longer time. or else, i really respect your decision but i will not give up on you and the hope that i hold so tight on. you dun have to say sorry as it really not your fault just may be our time is still not yet to come. may be we will be together in the future. i will smile and laugh in school. many ppl do not noe who i am smiling for. the fact is i am smiling for you. i will become your gd friend while hoping that there is still hope between us. i am a person who believe in hope, fate, life and in us lor. the moment that i like you, the thought of you being my ex's substitute never cross my mind. it is just simply that i like you as who you are. i did not think abt liking you as a substitute.
{*She Loves*}
Chicken Pasta from New York New York
Dim Sum (Ha Kua and Fu Pi Juan)
Sun tan with friends
my darling
my friends
Travelling around the world
{*She Hates*}
people who backstab me
people who blame me for nothing
People who thinks that they are always right
{*Sweeties*}
gwen;
wen xu;
keshia;
sing yen;
sing wei;
shawn ang;
jiaxin;
wei ye;
siao ying;
Jee Cheng;
Adelynn;
Kong Chian;
kai ying;
liang wei;
Shi Qi;
fabian;
Irene;
lay yuen;
yu yin;
Pei Ying;
Salleh;
Marie;
kaiting;
Benedict;
kristie;
desmond;
yi hui;
alex;
Brenda;
Janice;
Joanne;
Kim Guan aka Guan Guan;
Sharon;
Loh hu;
Si Yin