Today supposed to be a happy festive event. i feel like crying out of a sudden but i can't cry. i am not suppose to cry todae. my life seems so mixed up now. felt so alone now. why am i feeling this? dun feel like eating anything. the feelings just come so suddenly. i got almost all of the things that i can use money to buy but why feelings and emotions just keep making me crying? my parents seems so happy but why can't i have that smile on my face? am i destined to be a lonely soul that roams around the world without anyone noticing me? the thing that happens now seems to be like history repeated itself. i am not sure my studies will make me go happy? trying to make myself busy by helping out in the open house. do anyone really want me ? the reason that they want me is it solely because they need a companion? will i be that special someone in someone's heart? lotsa of things flashing in my mind. lots of past moments with the guys who i truly like. that must be something about me that prevent them from liking me back? am i just fat or ugly? why love is so hard to find or i am just plain choosy? for now, i know i have friends with me but when i need them, they may not be here for me as they have their own problem. may be i should isolate myself in a box? a box no one can find. i will try my best to earn lotsa of money to fill up the emptiness i felt for feelings and emotions. i did not know i love him so much until the day he left me. why ppl tend to regret when that special someone left you? is regret a essential thing that exist in people's lives? will the feelings of love come back to me sooner or later? i really don't know.
today started off quite bad. i did not not break up with someone is so difficult. i am crying after i met up with him at holland V. why am i crying if i don't love him at all? why my heart sank at the moment i saw him? may be i do love him in my heart just that i did not know as my love for edric is pretty much filled my heart. feel regretted of initalising the break up with him. how i wish that i could hug him but i know that i am not ready for a relationship. like wat he say, wat is done has already taken place. moving forward to see my future. the phase of moving forward dun seems to be in my heart. i am unable to. i did not know loving someone who will not be mine is so difficult. i doubt that i will be happy for tmr. my heart seems to be breaking. surprisingly, it does hurt pretty much that makes me cry. thinking of being alone for the valentine day even though ppl will ask me out on that day. not in the mood for any festivals. why should ppl hate the world even themselves? is it mainly becos that they regretted of the things that they have done?
i don't want to regret anything in my studies as i want to be a successive career woman which not many guys will like their gers to be superior than them. i know it thanks to my ex. life is not always going smoothly. i just hope that things will turn out well for those who i know that they hate the world for regrets.
a festive event coming but i still unable to feel the happiness for the occasion. things still did not turn out well with my parents. they are like in "cold" war. children are always the people who get hurt badly if anything bad happens to their marriage. seeing him makes me feel that how a person change due to some unknown reasons. a guy ,who used to tok so much in class and laugh at the lamest joke at times, changes to a quiet and did not like to talk much about anything and moody at times. her too. she is quiet and tired easily as i am able to see that she is lacking of sleep in class. why do people always have to be strong in front of strangers or friends? just because they do not want them to worry or tok to them about wat happened recently? how i wish i am able to get rid of their burden and worries. him really reminds of my ex a bit as he too always think that he never get things done right. i believe no one is able to do so as imperfection is always been our partner since the day we are born. i cried today after i reached home. it is because of the things around me and i thought of my ex for a while. things changed so much less than a year. i am unable to take the change (can't seem to take it anymore). when i heard kim sae may be die will feel a lot better, i was so hurt as i can't believe that him really feels that dying is a release from the pain. i feel that he is running away from his problem. i just hope that he is able to face it strongly even though it hurts so much. i hope that he knows that we are always there for him. life is all about puzzles. when you are unable to solve it, better take your time and help from your loved ones to finish the puzzles. i just hope that god will put them under his wings to shower his love to them.
my dad is back after 5 days... it is a good thing i suppose. thanks for you guys' concern. i am feeling better. just got my DTLE test. it is pretty alrite. almost know how to do all of the questions. i hope that i can pass at least. it is pretty much a tired day for me. still have to plan the time schedule for the booth later. i still dun know wat time does the booth starts. thinking of helping lala to sell away the french club t-shirts. haha. like saying you have to wear the french t-shirt in order to help out in the booth. i onli can help out for two days as next sat got excursion to the little india. pretty tired. may be start doing my assignment tmr? have to return a lot of things to people as it is not good thing to owe people things during lunar new year. i miss my sweet joanne and gers in my class. do guys only care about their body more than studies? hmmm. everyone in class seems to be depression due to some reasons. i hope that i can make them cheer up. feeling helpless when i can not do anything for them. may be time will heal them? hmmmm.
things did not turn out well for yesterdae. my father just packed his stuffs and leave the house. there is no trace that reminds me of his existence. i have to be independent. did not expect that my parents are about to go their different ways. i really dun want that to happen. i am unable to perform my best for maths test as i was quite bothered with the idea of having my mom with me only. i dun feel like talking the moment i reach home. i may look happy when i with my friends as i dun want them to worry for me and break down. i feel that this sentence is so true. what is the longest distance in this world? It is when two people who are right in front of each other but unable to let the other person know that he loves her. it really hurts when the person you like is so near yet so far. love is something that i dun want to think about as it is too painful or i do not know wat to do. i just hope that i am able to find my one true love soon as i really dun want to waste my time waiting anymore.
thinking of the moments that i once spent with youeach bit of it reminds me of the way you smilethe way you put your lips next to minethe way you hold me like no one didthings tat you did to try to grab my attentionunable to forget each moment saw you with her latelyyou have tat big smile on your facea smile tat you will never had with meeach time i saw you with hereach time my heart breakswhy am i doing this to torment myself?why can't my heart listen to me?we have ended for so long i am happy tat you have her by your sidehowever, i still miss the little boy in youthe guy who treated me so well i am so sorry tat i took you for grantedwhen i cried, can you still be there for me?when i need someone, can you just be there as a friend?i will always hold you close to my heart i still cry for youdo you know about it?do you know tat i am really suffering?you make me lost the feeling of trusttrust tat is the most important element in relationshipi am unable to have tat smile anymoreyou took it and everything else since the day you left methe day you left me to sufferi thought of forever when i know it will be temporarilyi thought of everlasting love when i know it is puppy love everytime i cried,the feeling of longing for you become greateri'm so sorry,i can't forget about you while i know you forgotten of me long agoi really want you and only youwill you come back to my shivering armsarms tat can't bear to let go of you.i just hope for something so impossiblei hope it will be possible in the future
this is a pic of me nothing to do. it is taken like a week before my common test. i am not using my hp to take the pic. ha
ha. but it looks quite funny and i dunno why. haha. still have not read thru on my lab test tmr. haha. i think i am going to read thru tmr after having my lunch. haha. did not do much todae even though it is like a holidae. haha. i look so radiant. haha. i am crazy now. my cousin is abt to tie the knot with his gf of 3 yrs relationship. i am so happy. after a few turns, it is my turn of getting married. man, i have not decided on getting married before 26. haha. i still want to enjoy life before tying the knot with the rite person. haha. loving each day of my life. i think too far ahead. stay focus. tmr will be my dear friend, firdaus, having a ece superstar. hope tat he wins as he really good in singing. envious of his courage and the talent tat is given to him. have to slp soon. tired and still do not know whether i should bring my lappy for searching information in school for my bre report aka project. better start doing and stop slacking.
暧昧
暧昧让人受尽委屈找不到相爱的证据何时该前进何时该放弃连拥抱都没有勇气暧昧让人变得贪心直到等待失去意义无奈我和你写不出结局放遗憾的美丽
暧昧让人变得贪心直到等待失去意义不能用恨你却不住结局放遗憾的美丽停在这里暧昧让人受尽委屈找不到相爱的证据何时该前进何时该放弃连拥抱都没有勇气
只能陪你到这里毕竟有些事不可以过了友情还不到爱情远方就要下雨的风景 到底该不该哭泣想太多是我还想你我很不服气也开始怀疑眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你
暧昧让人受尽委屈找不到相爱的证据何时该前进何时该放弃连拥抱都没有勇气暧昧让人变得贪心直到等待失去意义无奈我和你写不出结局放遗憾的美丽停在这里
暧昧让人受尽委屈找不到相爱的证据何时该前进何时该放弃连拥抱都没有勇气暧昧让人变得贪心直到等待失去意义无奈我和你写不出结局放遗憾的美丽停在这里
到底该不该哭泣想太多是我还想你我很不服气也开始怀疑眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你
暧昧让人受尽委屈找不到相爱的证据何时该前进何时该放弃连拥抱都没有勇气暧昧让人变得贪心直到等待失去意义无奈我和你写不出结局放遗憾的美丽停在这里
just got back most of my papers. seems like my average is abt 67 marks. haiz this is my gradesBSPA : 86DTLE : 74BRE : 50ESA : 74my grades are like so shitty. haha. happy tat i pass most of them. did not get wat i really expected but i just have to work twice much harder for examinations. haven't started on my project on BRE. Decide to go to national library to search information on the topic. better start my gear running. tmr is a holidae. yay. finally able to rest from school but not sure. may be staying at home to do nothing or going out with friends. i just found out tat everydae is like ending at 7pm. by the time i reach home, i will be like so slpy and tired. no time to do any self studying. may be have to sacrifice my weekends in studying. going to have no life soon. getting headache for 3 daes. dun know why. may be becos of the stress tat i got for Common Tests (CT) . been toking to some of my friends. i just found out tat many of them are meeting their own problems. i just hope tat i can help them to solve their problems but they will want to be alone sometimes. may be time will heal them or they start to pick themselves up. i just found out tat i have a lab test on next mondae. it is programming on lab 4 and lab 5 . it is individual work. die die. confirm fail one lor. better start studying lor.
i am so tired after a stressful 5 days of Common tests. yet i still have to do my project. two weeks for me to do it so i think it is pretty alrite. pretty last minute though. better start doing on monday. have to plan for the tasks for us to do. after tat, the week after , we have to do the presentation for a few days before compiling all of the slides on fridae. better get my gear start. the last project to be done. yay. after tat, it is really free from presentation and work. i have to buck up already. i am confident tat i have failed bre. the toughest paper i have done so far in my entire life. it is like more difficult than those prelim papers from the top few secondary schools in singapore. had no clue of wat the questions totally toking abt. man. think tat i just exaggrated too much. cutting my hair on wed after my IS lesson. haha. afraid tat i will look bad. but will not be as bad as when i was in sec sch with tat short hair. terrible. haha. resting for todae before starting my gear for a rest of the semester.
taking sneaky pic of me in a fitting room. nothing to do while waiting for someone to end his work or choir practice.
at the villa francis, an old folk's home. Leo club president, bing hong and our sweet cliff "mei mei" taking a pic outside a life. both of them look so sweet together.
threesome birthday celebration. oops. naughty me of saying tat. wei jie must be so happy to be standing next to "someone". thankfully, he dun read my blog or else he will be like killing me.
one of my favourite cartoon character from looney tunes. lola bunny. cutie baby pic of it.
another pic of bing hong. see how small his eyes are?? hmmm. almost going to be like two lines. -_- (is it similar?). Then our responsible secretary, susu. haha. wonderful ger. haha.my papers are going to end soon. i am so happy. tmr last paper. after tat, i will be having lotsa of fun shopping for my new year clothings then getting red packets from a lot of ppl. having lotsa of money in this year. i hope so as some of my cousins are already married. haha.
{*She Loves*}
Chicken Pasta from New York New York
Dim Sum (Ha Kua and Fu Pi Juan)
Sun tan with friends
my darling
my friends
Travelling around the world
{*She Hates*}
people who backstab me
people who blame me for nothing
People who thinks that they are always right
{*Sweeties*}
gwen;
wen xu;
keshia;
sing yen;
sing wei;
shawn ang;
jiaxin;
wei ye;
siao ying;
Jee Cheng;
Adelynn;
Kong Chian;
kai ying;
liang wei;
Shi Qi;
fabian;
Irene;
lay yuen;
yu yin;
Pei Ying;
Salleh;
Marie;
kaiting;
Benedict;
kristie;
desmond;
yi hui;
alex;
Brenda;
Janice;
Joanne;
Kim Guan aka Guan Guan;
Sharon;
Loh hu;
Si Yin